Advertisement
| can couples therapy make things worse: Love Without Hurt Steven Stosny, 2008-01-01 An essential guide for ending the cycle of resentment, pain, and abuse and developing a loving relationship Are you the victim of a chronic anger, verbal or emotional abuse? Do you constantly second-guess your thoughts and behavior to avoid being hurt or put down by your husband or boyfriend? If you are among the one out of three women trapped in a hurtful relationship, you can end the abuse and rebuild a loving, compassionate environment for you and your family. In Love Without Hurt, psychotherapist Dr. Steven Stosny explains the many forms of verbally and emotionally abusive relationships so you can identify abuse and why it's so important to take action to change your relationship-especially because, if you have children, they have become innocent victims of the same abuse. Drawing from the revolutionary techniques of his CompassionPower boot camp, this practical program shows you self-healing techniques to help you recover from the pain and abuse, as well as methods for your partner to rewire his anger, resentment, and abusive behavior. Love Without Hurt is an essential guide for ending the cycle of resentment, pain, and abuse and developing a loving relationship. |
| can couples therapy make things worse: How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking about it Patricia Love, Steven Stosny, 2007-01-01 Offers practical suggestions for how to enhance a marriage, explains behaviors that can break up a marriage, and argues that talking about a relationship will not bring partners closer together. |
| can couples therapy make things worse: 52 E-mails to Transform Your Marriage Samantha Rodman, 2016-11-01 Press “send” for amazing results! With 52 E-mails to Transform Your Marriage, you’ll find a year’s worth of e-mails to help you reconnect with your spouse, reignite intimacy, and keep your love alive. There’s no doubt marriage can be a challenge—we’ve all heard that half of marriages end in divorce. A common problem you may face as a couple is feeling stuck or disconnected—lonely within the marriage—as if you and your spouse were worlds apart, even as you present a united front. Attempts to discuss the problem may lead to painful arguments, and even couples therapy may prove more expensive and time-consuming than effective, putting each of you on the spot and moving so quickly that you may leave, session after session, without feeling closer. E-mail, however, can be a much less threatening way to communicate your true thoughts and feelings. Based on the author’s popular online relationship coaching sessions, each chapter of this book provides an e-mail writing assignment focused on a different topic, such as sex, intimacy, communication, trust, and the future. These weekly assignments will grant you both the time to write—which can be extremely therapeutic in itself—and read what the other has to say without the need for an immediate response. With 52 E-mails to Transform Your Marriage, you’ll discover useful tips for good communication, learn how to respond to messages with empathy and validation, and be well on your way to rediscovering and sustaining the love that brought you together in the first place. |
| can couples therapy make things worse: First, Kill All the Marriage Counselors Laura Doyle, 2015 Every marriage has its rough patches. If you're wondering how to repair yours, step away from the therapist, put down the magazine, and pick up this book. If you want to build a long, happy, fulfilling marriage, why not learn from the women who've done it? Laura Doyle's marriage was in trouble. After five years, her husband had become distant. He seemed checked out of their relationship, preferring watching TV to making love. There were frequent fights that ended with tense silences and even threats of divorce. Marriage counseling actually made their problems worse. Each session seemed to reinforce the feeling that she and her husband were just too far apart. Desperate to avoid divorcing the man she loved, Laura tried something different. Rather than consulting with experts or professionals, she simply started talking to women who'd been happily married for more than fifteen years. What she discovered shocked her. Everything she had heard in marriage counseling was wrong. Laura realized that there are some basic truths to relationships that can help women maintain loving, intimate marriages, such as: The happiness of your relationship is up to you! Women hold the keys to a happy relationship 95 percent of the time (and will learn what to do the other 5 percent). What men want most of all is to be treated with respect. Treat your man with respect (even if you aren't feeling it), and he will treat you with love and care. Your man wants to know he has your trust. Give it to him, and he'll realize you are special, because you will be! After seeing her own marriage transform, Laura set out to help other women do the same. In this book, you'll learn Laura's Six Intimacy Skills, which have been used by over 50,000 women who have transformed their previously unhappy marriages into blissful unions. Stop reading articles about how important it is to schedule date night, and learn how to transform your relationship into one bursting with energy, intimacy, and love. First, Kill All the Marriage Counselors will put you on the path to having the marriage you want with the man you love-- |
| can couples therapy make things worse: No Cheating, No Dying Elizabeth Weil, 2012-02-07 Written with charm and wit, No Cheating, No Dying investigates one of the most universal human institutions—marriage. Elizabeth Weil and her husband Dan have two basic ground rules for their marriage: no cheating, no dying. For ten years it’s worked fine, but Elizabeth started to wonder if it could be better. Elizabeth Weil believes that you don’t get married in a white dress, in front of all your future in-laws and ex-boyfriends but gradually, over time, through all the road rage incidents and pre-colonoscopy enemas, good and bad dinners, and all the small moments you never expected to happen or much less endure. In this book, Weil examines the major universal marriage issues—sex, money, mental health, in-laws, children—through bravely recounting her own hilarious, messy, and sometimes difficult relationship. She seeks out the advice of financial planners, psychoanalysts, therapists, household management consultants, priests, rabbis, and the United States government. Woven into this funny and forthright narrative is Weil's extensive research on marriage and marriage improvement. The result is an illuminating and entertaining read that is a fresh addition to the body of literature about marriage. |
| can couples therapy make things worse: Why Does He Do That? Lundy Bancroft, 2003-09-02 In this groundbreaking bestseller, Lundy Bancroft—a counselor who specializes in working with abusive men—uses his knowledge about how abusers think to help women recognize when they are being controlled or devalued, and to find ways to get free of an abusive relationship. He says he loves you. So...why does he do that? You’ve asked yourself this question again and again. Now you have the chance to see inside the minds of angry and controlling men—and change your life. In Why Does He Do That? you will learn about: • The early warning signs of abuse • The nature of abusive thinking • Myths about abusers • Ten abusive personality types • The role of drugs and alcohol • What you can fix, and what you can’t • And how to get out of an abusive relationship safely “This is without a doubt the most informative and useful book yet written on the subject of abusive men. Women who are armed with the insights found in these pages will be on the road to recovering control of their lives.”—Jay G. Silverman, Ph.D., Director, Violence Prevention Programs, Harvard School of Public Health |
| can couples therapy make things worse: Love Cycles, Fear Cycles David Woodsfellow, Deborah Woodsfellow, 2018-03-27 Love Cycles, Fear Cycles teaches readers the most important idea in all of couples therapy. This idea gives readers a new understanding of what’s been going wrong in their marriage – and a new way to make things right. The key idea is changing a couple’s negative cycle back into their positive cycle. Most relationships start in a positive cycle, where both people feel wonderful and respond lovingly. There are four words that describe each couple’s positive cycle – one for each person’s good feeling, and one for each person’s loving response. However, as challenges arise, people instinctively respond with some type of fight or flight. Over time, these responses spiral together into a negative cycle where each person feels bad and responds defensively. There are four words for each couple’s negative cycle – one for each person’s worst feeling, and one for each person’s defensive reaction. Many couples get trapped in their negative cycle and their relationship spirals deeper into hurt and loneliness. To have a good marriage, a couple needs to find a way out of their negative cycle and back into their positive cycle. Love Cycles, Fear Cycles teaches readers how to do that. From his decades as a couples therapist, Dr. Woodsfellow has distilled this one most-essential component of all successful marriage counseling. He now presents this to the general public in a way that is easy to understand and easy to use. |
| can couples therapy make things worse: All You Need Is Love & Other Lies About Marriage John W. Jacobs, 2009-03-17 Why is it so difficult to remain married in thetwenty-first century, and what can you do about it? We all know that half of today's marriages end in divorce, but we tend to believe that our own marriages are safe. As psychiatrist John Jacobs explains in this fresh and impassioned book, marriages today are incredibly fragile, and unless a couple understands what is making contemporary marriage so vulnerable to dissolution, the marriage is at risk. Part of the problem is that people refuse to see how social and historical forces have changed the very meaning of marriage, causing serious interpersonal unhappiness. Because of increased longevity, married people live together longer than at any time in history. There's been an erosion of the social and cultural forces that traditionally kept marriages together. Confusion over gender-role responsibilities, increased expectations of sexual satisfaction, and intense time pressures on couples to work and be successful all create marital stress. And yet, most people don't acknowledge the problems in their marriage until it is too late. We tend to believe in the lies of marriage -- such concepts as soul mates, unconditional love, that children improve a relationship, that the sexual revolution has made marital sex more pleasurable, or that egalitarian marriage offers couples easy solutions -- and forget to engage in the constant hardwork required to keep our marriages alive. Dr. Jacobs believes that most marriages have significant problems at some time, but until we recognize the new realities of marriage and develop the skills required to sustain a loving, intimate relationship, marriages are at risk. Of course marriage is about love. But that's just the beginning. |
| can couples therapy make things worse: Divorce Busting Michele Weiner Davis, 1993-02 A step-by-step approach to making your marriage loving again. |
| can couples therapy make things worse: The Life-Saving Divorce Gretchen Baskerville, 2020-02 You Can Love God and Still Get a Divorce. And get this, God will still love you. Really. Are you in a destructive marriage? One of emotional, physical, or verbal abuse? Infidelity? Neglect? If yes, you know you need to escape, but you're probably worried about going against God's will. I have good news for you. You might need to divorce to save your life and sanity. And God is right beside you. In The Life-Saving Divorce You'll Learn: - How to know if you should stay or if you should go.- The four key Bible verses that support divorce for infidelity, neglect, and physical and/or emotional abuse. - Twenty-seven myths about divorce that aren't true for many Christians. - Why a divorce is likely the absolute best thing for your children. - How to deal with friends and family who disapprove of divorce. - How to find safe friends and churches after a divorce. Can you find happiness after leaving your destructive marriage? Absolutely yes! You can get your life back and flourish more than you thought possible. Are you ready? Then let's go. It's time to be free. This book includes multiple first-person interviews. Explains psychological abuse, gaslighting, the abuse cycle, Christian divorce and remarriage, children and divorce, domestic violence, parental alienation, mental abuse, and biblical reasons for divorce. Includes diagrams such as the Duluth Wheel of Power and Control (the Duluth Model) and the Abuse Cycle, as well as graphs based on Paul Amato's 2003 study analyzing Judith Wallerstein's book, The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce. Includes quotes by Leslie Vernick, Lundy Bancroft, Shannon Thomas, David Instone-Brewer, Natalie Hoffman, LifeWay Research, Kathleen Reay, Gottman Institute, Glenda Riley, Martin Luther, John Calvin, Steven Stosny, Michal Gilad, Leonie Westenberg, Nancy Nason-Clark, Julie Owens, Marg Mowczko, Justin Holcomb, Barna Group, Justin Lehmiller, Alan Hawkins, Brian Willoughby, William Doherty, Brad Wright, Bradford Wilcox, Sheila Gregoire, E Mavis Hetherington, John Kelly, Betsey Stevenson, Justin Wolfers, Norm Wright, Virginia Rutter, Judith Herman, and Bessel van der Kolk. Recommended reading list includes: Henry Cloud, John Townsend Boundaries books, Richard Warshack books. |
| can couples therapy make things worse: Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life Tracy Schorn, 2016-05-10 Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life is a no-nonsense self-help guide for anyone who has ever been cheated on. Here's advice not based on saving your relationship after infidelity -- but saving your sanity. When it comes to cheating, a lot of the attention is focused on cheaters -- their unmet needs or their challenges with monogamy. But Tracy Schorn (aka Chump Lady) lampoons such blameshifting and puts the focus squarely on the-cheated-upon (chumps) and their needs. Combining solid advice that champions self-respect, along with hilarious cartoons satirizing the pomposity of cheaters, Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life offers a fresh voice for chumps who want (and need) a new message about infidelity. This book will offer advice on Stupid sh*t cheaters say and how to respond, Rookie mistakes of the recently chumped and how to disarm your fears, Why chumps take the blame and how to protect yourself, and more. Full of snark, sass, and real wisdom about how to bounce back after the gut blow of betrayal, Schorn is the friend who guides you through this nightmare and gives you hope for a better life ahead. |
| can couples therapy make things worse: Adult ADHD-Focused Couple Therapy Gina Pera, Arthur L. Robin, 2016-01-08 Since ADHD became a well-known condition, decades ago, much of the research and clinical discourse has focused on youth. In recent years, attention has expanded to the realm of adult ADHD and the havoc it can wreak on many aspects of adult life, including driving safety, financial management, education and employment, and interpersonal difficulties. Adult ADHD-Focused Couple Therapy breaks new ground in explaining and suggesting approaches for treating the range of challenges that ADHD can create within a most important and delicate relationship: the intimate couple. With the help of contributors who are experts in their specialties, Pera and Robin provide the clinician with a step-by-step, nuts-and-bolts approach to help couples enhance their relationship and improve domestic cooperation. This comprehensive guide includes psychoeducation, medication guidelines, cognitive interventions, co-parenting techniques, habit change and communication strategies, and ADHD-specific clinical suggestions around sexuality, money, and cyber-addictions. More than twenty detailed case studies provide real-life examples of ways to implement the interventions. |
| can couples therapy make things worse: Betrayal Trauma Recovery Anne Blythe, 2019-05-05 A daily journal for women wondering if their husband's behavior is abusive. For women trying to determine if they should leave or stay. To help women decide if they want to divorce. A daily journal to help victims understand the reality and severity of their situation. For women who are considering separation or divorce due to their husband's lying, gaslighting, infidelity, emotional abuse, narcissistic behaviors. Visit btr.org for more information, and listen to the Betrayal Trauma Recovery podcast found on iTunes, Google Play, Spotify and other podcasting platforms. |
| can couples therapy make things worse: Should I Stay or Should I Go? Lundy Bancroft, JAC Patrissi, 2011-11-01 From the bestselling author of Why Does He Do That? comes a relationship book that will help you make the decision of whether or not your troubled relationship is worth saving. Every relationship has problems, but you can’t figure out if yours is beyond hope. How bad is too bad—and can your partner really change? Now, in this warm, supportive, and straightforward guide, Lundy Bancroft and women’s advocate JAC Patrissi offer a way for you to practically and realistically take stock of your relationship and move forward. If you’re involved in a chronically frustrating or unfulfilling relationship, the advice and exercises in this book will help you learn to: • Tell the difference between a healthy—yet difficult—relationship and one that is really not working • Recognize the signs that your partner has serious problems • Stop waiting to see what will happen—and make your own growth the top priority • Design a clear plan of action for you and your partner • Navigate the waters of a relationship that’s improving • Prepare for life without your partner, even as you keep trying to make life work with them |
| can couples therapy make things worse: Eight Dates John Gottman, Julie Schwartz Gottman, Doug Abrams, Rachel Carlton Abrams, 2019-02-05 Whether you’re newly together and eager to make it work or a longtime couple looking to strengthen and deepen your bond, Eight Dates offers a program of how, why, and when to have eight basic conversations with your partner that can result in a lifetime of love. “Happily ever after” is not by chance, it’s by choice– the choice each person in a relationship makes to remain open, remain curious, and, most of all, to keep talking to one another. From award-winning marriage researcher and bestselling author Dr. John Gottman and fellow researcher Julie Gottman, Eight Dates offers an ingenious and simple-to-implement approach to effective relationship communication. Here are the subjects that every serious couple should discuss: Trust. Family. Sex and intimacy. Dealing with conflict. Work and money. Dreams, and more. And here is how to talk about them—how to broach subjects that are difficult or embarrassing, how to be brave enough to say what you really feel. There are also suggestions for where and when to go on each date—book your favorite romantic restaurant for the Sex & Intimacy conversation (and maybe go to a yoga or dance class beforehand). There are questionnaires, innovative exercises, real-life case studies, and skills to master, including the Four Skills of Intimate Conversation and the Art of Listening. Because making love last is not about having a certain feeling—it’s about both of you being active and involved. |
| can couples therapy make things worse: Marriage Fitness Mort Fertel, 2004 Revolutionary step by step system marriage success. |
| can couples therapy make things worse: This Is How Your Marriage Ends Matthew Fray, 2022-03-22 A thoughtful, down-to-earth, contemporary guide to help partners identify and address relationship-killing behavior patterns in their own lives. Good people can be bad at relationships. One night during his divorce, after one too many vodkas and a call with a phone-in-therapist who told him to “journal his feelings,” Matthew Fray started a blog. He needed to figure out how his ex-wife went from the eighteen-year-old college freshman who adored him to the angry woman who thought he was an asshole and left him. As he pieced together the story of his marriage and its end, Matthew began to realize a hard truth: even though he was a decent guy, he was a bad husband. As he shared raw, uncomfortable, and darkly humorous first-person stories about the lessons he’d learned from his failed marriage, a peculiar thing happened. Matthew started to gain a following. In January 2016 a post he wrote—“She Divorced Me Because I left the Dishes by the Sink”—went viral and was read over four million times. Filtered through the lens of his own surprising, life-changing experience and his years counseling couples, This Is How Your Marriage Ends exposes the root problem of so many relationships that go wrong. We simply haven’t been taught any of the necessary skills, Matthew explains. In fact, it is sometimes the assumption that we are acting on good intentions that causes us to alienate our partners and foment mistrust. With the humorous, entertaining, and counterintuitive approach of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, and the practical insights of The 5 Love Languages, This is How Your Marriage Ends helps readers identify relationship-killing behavior patterns in their own lives, and offers solutions to break free from the cycles of dysfunction and destruction. It is must-read for every partner no matter what stage–beginning, middle, or even end—of your relationship. |
| can couples therapy make things worse: Beyond Messy Relationships Judy K. Herman, 2019-06-04 Discover your true self and find hope beyond your messy relationships! As a mental health therapist, Judy prepares to see her next client. As a wife, she falls apart in the midst of her husband’s psychosis. His inpatient psychiatrist says, “This is going to be a hard case”. Judy’s first marriage of 29 years ended in divorce after toxic patterns of chronic bitterness. Facing the shame of her past and mothering four children, she recognizes divine invitations toward her authentic self. After four years into a new marriage with her beloved dance partner, Judy suddenly faces frightful realities. Can Judy’s second marriage recover from damage caused by his psychosis? Beyond Messy Relationships is not only an intense and dramatic memoir. It’s a mix of psychological wisdom and spiritual inspiration that helps readers make sense of their deep feelings. In Beyond Messy Relationships, readers: Discover they’re not alone as they resonate with the messy relationships of a licensed professional counselor Learn a simple formula of A.I.R. to experience freedom beyond the messes Connect the dots from their past to their present Overcome shame so they can experience the freedom they long for Within Beyond Messy Relationships, readers find hope through the formula of breathing in fresh A.I.R.: Awareness, Intentionality, and Risks and recognize divine invitations beyond the messes. Finding your authentic self is worth the journey. |
| can couples therapy make things worse: In Quest of the Mythical Mate Ellyn Bader, Peter Pearson, 2013-05-13 In Quest of the Mythical Mate presents a valuable and fertile developmental model for diagnosing and treating couples that is flexible enough to incorporate a wide variety of intervention strategies, yet purposeful enough to give a clear sense of direction to couples in distress. As such, this volume provides a powerful therapeutic approach for all professionals who treat couples. |
| can couples therapy make things worse: Exaholics Lisa Marie Bobby, 2016-02-10 Severing a cherished relationship is one of the most painful experiences in life—and cutting those emotional ties to a loved one can feel almost like ending an addiction. Up till now, people recovering from other problems were able to get real help—like AA and rehab—while those struggling in the aftermath of traumatic breaks dealt with platitudes and friends insisting they should get over it already. But now Exaholics Anonymous treats getting over an ex like kicking a chemical habit. Written by counselor and therapist Dr. Lisa Bobby, Exaholics offers meaningful support and advice to anyone trapped in the obsessive pain of a broken, or dying, attachment. She helps the brokenhearted heal, showing them, on a deep level, how to develop a conceptual framework for their experience, understand the emotional processes at work inside themselves, find the path to recovery, and free themselves of shame, injured ego, and remorse. In-depth case studies of others' journeys will illuminate the way to future happiness. |
| can couples therapy make things worse: Therapeutic Alliances with Families Valentín Escudero, Myrna L. Friedlander, 2017-09-04 This practical breakthrough introduces a robust framework for family and couples therapy specifically designed for working with difficult, entrenched, and court-mandated situations. Using an original model (the System for Observing Family Therapy Alliances, or SOFTA) suitable to therapists across theoretical lines, the authors detail special challenges, empirically-supported strategies, and alliance-building interventions organized around common types of ongoing couple and family conflicts. Copious case examples illustrate how therapists can empower family members to discover their agency, find resources to address tough challenges, and especially repair their damaged relationships. These guidelines also show how to work effectively within multiple relationships in a family without compromising therapist focus, client individuality, or client safety. Included in the coverage: Using the therapeutic alliance to empower couples and families Couples’ cross-complaints Engaging reluctant adolescents...and their parents Parenting in isolation, with or without a partner Child maltreatment: creating therapeutic alliances with survivors of relational trauma Disadvantaged, multi-stressed families: adrift in a sea of professional helpers Empowering through the alliance: a practical formulation Therapeutic Alliances with Families offers powerful new tools for social workers, mental health professionals, and practitioners working in couple and family therapy cases with reluctant clients and seeking specific, practical case examples and resources for alliance-related interventions. |
| can couples therapy make things worse: Integrative Behavioral Couple Therapy: A Therapist's Guide to Creating Acceptance and Change, Second Edition Andrew Christensen, Brian D. Doss, Neil S. Jacobson, 2020-09-15 The definitive therapist manual for Integrative Behavioral Couple Therapy (IBCT)—one of the most empirically supported approaches to couple therapy. Andrew Christensen, codeveloper (along with the late Neil Jacobson) of Integrative Behavioral Couple Therapy, and Brian Doss provide an essential manual for their evidence-based practice. The authors offer guidance on formulation, assessment, and feedback of couples’ distress from an IBCT perspective. They also detail techniques to achieve acceptance and deliberate change. In this updated edition of the work, readers learn about innovations to the IBCT approach in the 20+ years since the publication of the original edition—including refinements of core therapeutic techniques. Additionally, this edition provides new guidance on working with diverse couples, complex clinical issues, and integrating technology into a course of treatment. |
| can couples therapy make things worse: Reconcilable Differences Andrew Christensen, Neil S. Jacobson, 1999-10-06 Every couple has arguments, but what happens when recurring battles begin to feel like full-scale war? Do you retreat in hurt and angry silence, hoping that a spouse who just doesn't get it will eventually see things your way? Spend the time between skirmishes gathering evidence that you're right? Demand some immediate changes--or else? Whether due to innate personality traits or emotional vulnerabilities, there are some aspects of our behavior that are difficult to alter. But these differences do not have to get in the way of healthy, happy, and long-lasting romance. This practical guide offers new solutions for couples frustrated by continual attempts to make each other change. Aided by thought-provoking exercises and lots of real-life examples, readers will learn why they keep having the same fights again and again; how to keep small incompatibilities from causing big problems; and how true acceptance can restore health to their relationships. |
| can couples therapy make things worse: The High-Conflict Couple Alan Fruzzetti, 2006-12-03 You hear and read a lot about ways to improve your relationship. But if you've tried these without much success, you're not alone. Many highly reactive couples—pairs that are quick to argue, anger, and blame—need more than just the run-of-the-mill relationship advice to solve their problems in love. When destructive emotions are at the heart of problems in your relationship, no amount of effective communication or intimacy building will fix what ails it. If you're part of a high-conflict couple, you need to get control of your emotions first, to stop making things worse, and only then work on building a better relationship. The High-Conflict Couple adapts the powerful techniques of dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) into skills you can use to tame out-of-control emotions that flare up in your relationship. Using mindfulness and distress tolerance techniques, you'll learn how to deescalate angry situations before they have a chance to explode into destructive fights. Other approaches will help you disclose your fears, longings, and other vulnerabilities to your partner and validate his or her experiences in return. You'll discover ways to manage problems with negotiation, not conflict, and to find true acceptance and closeness with the person you love the most. This book has been awarded The Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapies Self-Help Seal of Merit — an award bestowed on outstanding self-help books that are consistent with cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) principles and that incorporate scientifically tested strategies for overcoming mental health difficulties. Used alone or in conjunction with therapy, our books offer powerful tools readers can use to jump-start changes in their lives. |
| can couples therapy make things worse: The 4 Seasons of Marriage Gary Chapman, 2012 Compares the transitional cycles of marriage to those of nature, describes the attitudes and emotions of each season, and offers seven strategies that enable couples to enhance and improve their marital relationship. |
| can couples therapy make things worse: The State of Affairs Esther Perel, 2017-10-10 A fresh look at infidelity, broadening the focus from the havoc it wreaks within a committed relationship to consider also why people do it, what it means to them, and why breaking up is the expected response to duplicity — but not necessarily the wisest one.” — LA Review of Books From iconic couples’ therapist and bestselling author of Mating in Captivity comes a provocative and controversial look at infidelity with practical, honest, and empathetic advice for how to move beyond it. An affair: it can rob a couple of their relationship, their happiness, their very identity. And yet, this extremely common human experience is so poorly understood. What are we to make of this time-honored taboo—universally forbidden yet universally practiced? Why do people cheat—even those in happy marriages? Why does an affair hurt so much? When we say infidelity, what exactly do we mean? Do our romantic expectations of marriage set us up for betrayal? Is there such a thing as an affair-proof marriage? Is it possible to love more than one person at once? Can an affair ever help a marriage? Perel weaves real-life case stories with incisive psychological and cultural analysis in this fast-paced and compelling book. For the past ten years, Perel has traveled the globe and worked with hundreds of couples who have grappled with infidelity. Betrayal hurts, she writes, but it can be healed. An affair can even be the doorway to a new marriage—with the same person. With the right approach, couples can grow and learn from these tumultuous experiences, together or apart. Affairs, she argues, have a lot to teach us about modern relationships—what we expect, what we think we want, and what we feel entitled to. They offer a unique window into our personal and cultural attitudes about love, lust, and commitment. Through examining illicit love from multiple angles, Perel invites readers into an honest, enlightened, and entertaining exploration of modern marriage in its many variations. Fiercely intelligent, The State of Affairs provides a daring framework for understanding the intricacies of love and desire. As Perel observes, “Love is messy; infidelity more so. But it is also a window, like no other, into the crevices of the human heart.” |
| can couples therapy make things worse: Should I Stay Or Go? Lee Raffel, 1999 Until now, couples facing the dilemma of deciding whether or not to stay in an unhappy marriage had three options: individual or couples therapy, separation, or divorce. Should I Stay or Go? provides these couples with a fourth option--the Controlled Separation (CS). CS is a compassionate process that is designed to build respect and foster advocacy between spouses. The book explains the CS guidelines, including the 12 fundamental issues that must be resolved for a workable, orderly separation. It also contains sample contracts, along with helpful checklists and self-assessment tools. |
| can couples therapy make things worse: Marriage That Works Chip Ingram, 2019-02-05 When it comes to marriage these days, anything goes. No wonder you can find a book on marriage from every perspective--or no perspective. How can you experience a great marriage that lasts? What works? This book answers that question by shining a light on the biblical design for marriage. In a world of sexual and relational confusion, isn't it time to consult the One who created marriage? Author and pastor Chip Ingram, with his characteristic compassion, transparency, and engaging storytelling, discusses - what marriage really is - the biblical model - a man's unique role in marriage - a woman's unique role in marriage - the bigger picture of why God created marriage A marriage that works, says Ingram, is more wonderful than you thought possible and harder than you imagined--but worth the work. Couples will learn the power of making a covenant with their spouse and fulfilling their design in an atmosphere of respect, resulting in the spiritual, psychological, emotional, and physical oneness they long to have with each other. |
| can couples therapy make things worse: In Sickness as in Health Barbara Kivowitz, Roanne Weisman, 2013 Something's happened now what do we do? What do I do? What do I really owe my loved one? And how can I even ask such a question? Having exchanged marriage vows or even if they haven't most people expect their partners to support them when a devastating diagnosis is made or an accident occurs. |
| can couples therapy make things worse: Talk Yourself Better Ariane Sherine, 2018-10-25 'Brilliant - makes a baffling world comprehensible' - Jeremy Vine 'It's everything you didn't know about therapy or were afraid to ask, but by no means the daunting read you might imagine. Sherine, an award-winning comedian and writer for TV and radio, has persuaded such people as Stephen Fry, David Baddiel and Dolly Alderton to write warts-and-all pieces for the book about their struggles with mental health' - The Times So you've decided you want to try therapy. But which type of therapy is best for you? Do you know your CBT from your DBT, your cognitive analytic therapy from your psychoanalysis? Talk Yourself Better cuts through the confusion when it comes to choosing a therapist. Exploring all the different kinds of therapy available, Ariane Sherine offers an entertaining insight into each type, including interviews with celebrities, writers and therapists themselves to help make taking that first step a whole lot easier. · Funny and clear Q&A sections guide you through the differences between therapies · Real life stories give an honest account of the pros and cons of each form of therapy · Therapist interviews give an insight into why a counsellor would champion their chosen form of practice · Features contributions from household names such as Stephen Fry, Charlie Brooker, Dolly Alderton and David Baddiel. This is an essential overview of the bewildering range of options available to you when you want to solve a psychological or emotional problem. Friendly and accessible, Talk Yourself Better stresses the importance of talk therapy in improving your mental health. |
| can couples therapy make things worse: Emotional Fitness Janice Berger, Harry Hall, 2000 In this groundbreaking book, Janice Berger takes us on a fascinating voyage into the very centre of our emotional selves. She reveals how we can engage and cooperate with the natural emotional healing power we all possess in order to lead more fulfilling lives and enjoy more satisfying, vibrant relationships. Honest, illuminating and free from jargon, Emotional Fitness demystifies emotional health and demonstrates clearly how we can live our lives with personal clarity and inner freedom. |
| can couples therapy make things worse: Intimacy After Infidelity Steven Solomon, Lorie Teagno, 2006-11-01 A Guide to Rebuilding Trust and Intimacy It's devastating to discover that the person you trust the most has betrayed you. You'll be facing some hard questions after learning of your partner's infidelity. You may choose to rebuild your relationship, or you may decide to move on. Whatever the right decision is for you, this book will help you figure out why your partner betrayed you and decide whether you can remain in your relationship. It will also show you new ways to relate that can help you and your partner become a lasting, loving, and committed couple. You'll start by taking a look at the phenomenon of infidelity and the three types of intimacy: self-intimacy, conflict intimacy, and affection intimacy. Then you'll learn about the three kinds of infidelity—those of fear, of loneliness, and of anger—and what each reveals about your relationship. Then it's on to practical exercises that can heal emotional wounds and enable you to recover your ability to trust. Even if you decide not to remain with your current partner, the book will help you make wise relationship choices to affair-proof your future relationship. |
| can couples therapy make things worse: From Conflict To Resolution Susan Heitler, 1993 In a dramatic theoretical breakthrough, psychologist Susan M. Heitler unties various schools of therapy with a powerful insight. Emotional healing depends on movement from conflict to resolution, as the title suggests. |
| can couples therapy make things worse: Radical Acceptance Andrea Miller, 2017-05-02 “If you’re at the end of your relationship rope, reach for Radical Acceptance.” —Elle A refreshing new approach to romantic partnerships, grounded in the importance of unconditional love that shows how “prioritizing your partner [creates] true happiness in your relationship” (John Gray, PhD, author of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus). Loving the lovable parts of your partner is easy. He’s funny, charming, smart, successful, and kind. He’s perfect. Except for when he is not. Like when he is late. Or short-tempered. Or lazy. Or he’s incorrectly loaded the dishwasher (again). Maybe he feels like the most frustrating person on the planet. Or maybe you’re simply not feeling heard or seen. Or loved enough. It’s these proverbial unlovable parts that make loving all of him so tough. But imagine if you let go of your itch to fix, judge, improve, or control your partner. Imagine if you replaced judgement with compassion and empathy. Tremendous empowerment and liberation come from loving someone—and being loved—for who we really are. This practice is called Radical Acceptance. Whether you’re looking for Mr. Right or are already with him, this is your powerful five-step guide to attaining life’s ultimate prize: unconditional love. You’ll learn how to increase your emotional resilience, feel more confident, determine whether you’re settling, quiet those doubt-filled voices in your head, get out of that endless cycle of dead-end dates, reduce conflict, and build a deeply fulfilling, affirming relationship—all through highly actionable advice. Best of all, you will discover how amazing it feels to have your heart expanded by an abundance of love and compassion for your partner and yourself. Featuring compelling stories for real-life couples and insights from the foremost thought leaders and researchers in brain science, sexuality, psychotherapy, and neurobiology, Radical Acceptance illustrates that embracing your partner for exactly who they are will lead to a more harmonious relationship—and provide an unexpected path to your own personal transformation. |
| can couples therapy make things worse: Real Gold Pierce Green, 2019-06-20 What's missing from on-line dating experiences are valid and easy-to-use relationship assessment tools to help you more effectively sort through your prospects and partners. Though finding and meeting others through the internet is easier than ever before, you also need tools that are practical and immediately usable to navigate potential relationships. In other words, anyone can get into, be in, or get out of a relationship, but there are only a few that gather wisdom on the path. This reference guide will inspire you to initiate real conversations with those you hope to love, with less fear of negative consequences. As you increase your ability to compassionately and judiciously speak your own truth you will be transformed in the process. Knowing specifically what is working and not working (repeatedly) will free you to make better choices so that you can avoid participating in relationships in a way that leads to their failure. Relationships no longer have to be something that happen to you and instead can become opportunities to understand how your pre-existing beliefs about them are working for you or against you. As you read through this book, my wish is that you increase your commitment to self-care while trusting that you too can improve your ability to make mutual love and respect a prerequisite in your life. Warm regards, Pierce |
| can couples therapy make things worse: Corrupt Penelope Douglas, 2023-11-07 Dreams might be a heart’s desire, but nightmares are its obsession in the first novel of a dark romance series from New York Times bestselling author Penelope Douglas. Erika Fane’s boyfriend's older brother is handsome, strong, and completely terrifying. The star of his college's basketball team gone pro, he's more concerned with the dirt on his shoe than he is with her. But she saw him. She heard him. The things that he did, and the deeds that he hid... For years, Erika bit her nails, unable to look away. Now, she’s in college, but she hasn’t stopped watching him. He’s bad and the things she’s seen aren’t content to stay in her head anymore. Because he's finally noticed her. But Michael Crist knows the hold he has on Rika, how much she fears him. She looks down when he enters the room and stills when he’s close. He knows she thinks only of him. When Michael’s brother leaves for the military, leaving Rika alone and unprotected, he knows the opportunity is too good to be true. Three years ago she put Michael’s friends in prison, and now they’re free. Every last one of her nightmares is about to come true. |
| can couples therapy make things worse: Someone You Already Know Sarahbeth Caplin, 2012-10-01 Two teenage girls, two experiences with sexual assault: one committed by a stranger, the other by a relationship partner. Neither girl quite believes the other when she shares her story: wasn't she 'asking for it' by walking home alone so late at night? Why didn't she just end the relationship if he really treated her that way? Someone You Already Know is a raw, emotional book that explores the impact of rape culture on modern society. Told in alternating perspectives from two survivors, it unpacks the common myths of sexual assault, revealing important truths that every woman needs to know. |
| can couples therapy make things worse: The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder Randi Kreger, 2009-06-03 Gentle counsel and realistic advice for families contending with one of today's most misunderstood forms of mental illness. For family members of people with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), home life is routinely unpredictable and frequently unbearable. Extreme mood swings, impulsive behaviors, unfair blaming and criticism, and suicidal tendencies--common conduct among those who suffer from the disorder--leave family members feeling confused, hurt, and helpless. In Stop Walking on Eggshells, Randi Kreger's pioneering first book which sold more than 340,000 copies, she and co-author Paul T. Mason outlined the fundamental differences in the way that people with BPD relate to the world. Now, with The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder, Kreger takes readers to the next level by offering them five straightforward tools to organize their thinking, learn specific skills, and focus on what they need to do to get off the emotional rollercoaster: (1) Take care of yourself; (2) Uncover what keeps you feeling stuck; (3) Communicate to be heard; (4) Set limits with love; and (5) Reinforce the right behaviors. Together the steps provide a clear-cut system designed to help friends and family reduce stress, improve their relationship with their borderline loved one, improve their problem-solving skills and minimize conflict, and feel more self-assured about setting limits. |
| can couples therapy make things worse: The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work John Gottman, PhD, Nan Silver, 2015-05-05 NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • Over a million copies sold! “An eminently practical guide to an emotionally intelligent—and long-lasting—marriage.”—Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work has revolutionized the way we understand, repair, and strengthen marriages. John Gottman’s unprecedented study of couples over a period of years has allowed him to observe the habits that can make—and break—a marriage. Here is the culmination of that work: the seven principles that guide couples on a path toward a harmonious and long-lasting relationship. Straightforward yet profound, these principles teach partners new approaches for resolving conflicts, creating new common ground, and achieving greater levels of intimacy. Gottman offers strategies and resources to help couples collaborate more effectively to resolve any problem, whether dealing with issues related to sex, money, religion, work, family, or anything else. Packed with new exercises and the latest research out of the esteemed Gottman Institute, this revised edition of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work is the definitive guide for anyone who wants their relationship to attain its highest potential. |
| can couples therapy make things worse: Projective Identification and Psychotherapeutic Technique Thomas H. Ogden, 1982 An examination of projective identification and its clinical uses from a Kleinian perspective. The author puts forward the hypothesis that identification is the patient's way of mastering significant trauma. |
Canva: Visual Suite for Everyone
Educational organizations and nonprofits can enjoy premium Canva features for free. Templates for absolutely anything Customize an office template, or design something more personal, like …
Canva Free | Design anything, together and for free
Canva is always free for every individual. However, if you want to unlock premium features, individuals can upgrade to Canva Pro to easily create professional designs and content.
Free templates - Canva
Explore thousands of beautiful free templates. With Canva's drag and drop feature, you can customize your design for any occasion in just a few clicks.
Create beautiful graphics with Canva
Create anything in a snap, from presentations and logos to social media posts. Get inspired and see what you can do on Canva, no design skills or experience required. Start designing now
Canva Pro | Your all-in-one design solution
Auto-generate captions you can edit, animate, and style your way. Try Captions (opens in a new tab or window) Pro. Premium content. Access top-quality video, audio, and graphics from …
Canva: una Suite Visual para todo el mundo
Canva es una herramienta online de diseño gráfico de uso gratuito. Utilízala para crear publicaciones para redes sociales, presentaciones, carteles, vídeos, logos y mucho más.
Canva Create
Catch inspiring speakers, can’t-miss product workshops, and unforgettable moments.
Draw: Free Online Drawing Tool | Canva
Unleash your creativity with Draw, Canva’s free drawing tool. Draw lets you add customized drawings and graphics to your designs, so they stand out from the crowd. Or, you can use it to …
Canva: um Kit de Criação Visual para todo mundo
O Canva é uma ferramenta gratuita de design gráfico online que você pode usar para criar posts para redes sociais, apresentações, cartazes, vídeos, logotipos e muito mais.
Free printable resume templates you can customize | Canva
Land your dream job with captivating CVs you can professionally customize to reflect your true potential with Canva's free resume templates and easy-to-use design editor.
Canva: Visual Suite for Everyone
Educational organizations and nonprofits can enjoy premium Canva features for free. Templates for absolutely anything …
Canva Free | Design anything, together and for free
Canva is always free for every individual. However, if you want to unlock premium features, individuals can upgrade to Canva …
Free templates - Canva
Explore thousands of beautiful free templates. With Canva's drag and drop feature, you can customize your design for …
Create beautiful graphics with Canva
Create anything in a snap, from presentations and logos to social media posts. Get inspired and see what you can do on Canva, no …
Canva Pro | Your all-in-one design solution
Auto-generate captions you can edit, animate, and style your way. Try Captions (opens in a new tab or window) Pro. …
