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| couple therapy for cheaters: What Makes Love Last? John Gottman, John Mordechai Gottman, Nan Silver, 2013-09-10 One of the foremost relationship experts at work today offers creative insight on building trust and avoiding betrayal, helping readers to decode the mysteries of healthy love and relationships-- |
| couple therapy for cheaters: Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life Tracy Schorn, 2016-05-10 Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life is a no-nonsense self-help guide for anyone who has ever been cheated on. Here's advice not based on saving your relationship after infidelity -- but saving your sanity. When it comes to cheating, a lot of the attention is focused on cheaters -- their unmet needs or their challenges with monogamy. But Tracy Schorn (aka Chump Lady) lampoons such blameshifting and puts the focus squarely on the-cheated-upon (chumps) and their needs. Combining solid advice that champions self-respect, along with hilarious cartoons satirizing the pomposity of cheaters, Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life offers a fresh voice for chumps who want (and need) a new message about infidelity. This book will offer advice on Stupid sh*t cheaters say and how to respond, Rookie mistakes of the recently chumped and how to disarm your fears, Why chumps take the blame and how to protect yourself, and more. Full of snark, sass, and real wisdom about how to bounce back after the gut blow of betrayal, Schorn is the friend who guides you through this nightmare and gives you hope for a better life ahead. |
| couple therapy for cheaters: In Quest of the Mythical Mate Ellyn Bader, Peter Pearson, 2013-05-13 In Quest of the Mythical Mate presents a valuable and fertile developmental model for diagnosing and treating couples that is flexible enough to incorporate a wide variety of intervention strategies, yet purposeful enough to give a clear sense of direction to couples in distress. As such, this volume provides a powerful therapeutic approach for all professionals who treat couples. |
| couple therapy for cheaters: The State of Affairs Esther Perel, 2017-10-10 A fresh look at infidelity, broadening the focus from the havoc it wreaks within a committed relationship to consider also why people do it, what it means to them, and why breaking up is the expected response to duplicity — but not necessarily the wisest one.” — LA Review of Books From iconic couples’ therapist and bestselling author of Mating in Captivity comes a provocative and controversial look at infidelity with practical, honest, and empathetic advice for how to move beyond it. An affair: it can rob a couple of their relationship, their happiness, their very identity. And yet, this extremely common human experience is so poorly understood. What are we to make of this time-honored taboo—universally forbidden yet universally practiced? Why do people cheat—even those in happy marriages? Why does an affair hurt so much? When we say infidelity, what exactly do we mean? Do our romantic expectations of marriage set us up for betrayal? Is there such a thing as an affair-proof marriage? Is it possible to love more than one person at once? Can an affair ever help a marriage? Perel weaves real-life case stories with incisive psychological and cultural analysis in this fast-paced and compelling book. For the past ten years, Perel has traveled the globe and worked with hundreds of couples who have grappled with infidelity. Betrayal hurts, she writes, but it can be healed. An affair can even be the doorway to a new marriage—with the same person. With the right approach, couples can grow and learn from these tumultuous experiences, together or apart. Affairs, she argues, have a lot to teach us about modern relationships—what we expect, what we think we want, and what we feel entitled to. They offer a unique window into our personal and cultural attitudes about love, lust, and commitment. Through examining illicit love from multiple angles, Perel invites readers into an honest, enlightened, and entertaining exploration of modern marriage in its many variations. Fiercely intelligent, The State of Affairs provides a daring framework for understanding the intricacies of love and desire. As Perel observes, “Love is messy; infidelity more so. But it is also a window, like no other, into the crevices of the human heart.” |
| couple therapy for cheaters: When Good People Have Affairs Mira Kirshenbaum, 2008-05-27 A world-renowned therapist, Mira Kirshenbaum has treated thousands of men and women caught in the powerful drama over what to do when an affair reaches into their emotional lives. Now, in When Good People Have Affairs, Kirshenbaum puts her unsurpassed experience into one clear, calming place. She gives readers everything they need to cut through the thickets of fear, hurt and confusion to find their ways to happier, more solid relationships with the person who's right for them. For example, Kirshenbaum identifies seventeen types of affairs, helping readers figure out which type they're in and what it means. Is it a: --See-if affair? --Ejector-seat affair? --Distraction affair? --Unmet-needs affair? --Panic affair? Kirshenbaum encourages honest answers to such questions as: --What am I missing in my marriage? --How do I decide between two people when it's like comparing an apple to an orange? --How do I decide to end my marriage, end my affair, or end them both? She leads readers through six easy-to-navigate steps that will take anyone from anxiety to clarity. When Good People Have Affairs will be a lifeline to any man or woman who feels caught between two lovers, and its insights are indispensable to anyone else touched by an affair. |
| couple therapy for cheaters: Cheating in a Nutshell Wayne Mitchell, Tamara Mitchell, 2019-09-08 Cheated on…Battered by emotion…You don't know where to turn. You feel betrayed, devastated, embarrassed, angry, and completely heartbroken. You ask yourself, How can I stop infidelity from ruining my life? How do I cope with this nightmare? You don't realize there is a roadmap that explains what you are going through. That roadmap is Cheating in a Nutshell. Knowledge is Power and Understanding is Liberating. Whatever shade of infidelity you're dealing with, it is powerfully painful – and the feelings that come with it are hardly ever simple. Understanding your pain will change your way of thinking almost immediately. This book is for you if: --You just learned your partner cheated on you --You have been staying with a cheating partner --You were betrayed in a past relationship and seek a deeper understanding of your feelings In Cheating in a Nutshell, Wayne and Tamara Mitchell explain the source of your pain. There is a way out of this darkness, and the first step is to understand the structure of this awful experience. The focus is on the betrayed, not the cheater, and if you've been cheated on, I agree with other reviewers: This is the best book, the only one you need. – Reader Review It's never too late to understand why you feel as you do. Read Cheating in a Nutshell. |
| couple therapy for cheaters: Infidelity Paul R. Peluso, Taylor J. Irvine, 2024-06-06 This second edition brings together an impressive array of experts to discuss and provide understanding to the treatment of infidelity. Bringing together voices from a range of disciplines and backgrounds, including couples therapy, family therapy, evolutionary psychology, relational research, and more, Peluso and Irvine help therapists understand and practically treat this common and complex issue. Divided into three parts, chapters begin by laying the foundations for understanding why couples commit infidelity before looking at different treatments, such as Gottman Method Couples Therapy, models of fidelity and forgiveness, and other integrative approaches. This new edition includes brand-new material on topics such as nonmonogamy, teletherapy, cyber-infidelity, and the impact of infidelity on couples and families from different social, cultural, generational, and sexual perspectives. With revised referrals and resources at the end of each chapter; additional infidelity treatment methods; and examinations of gender, race, and power, this guide is essential reading for all practicing and training marriage and family therapists, counselors, psychotherapists, and social workers. |
| couple therapy for cheaters: The Dynamics of Infidelity Lawrence Josephs, 2018 This book employs research in social, personality, and evolutionary psychology to explain and offer treatment approaches for individuals and couples suffering from infidelity. |
| couple therapy for cheaters: The New Monogamy Tammy Nelson, 2013-01-02 Everyone has their own concept of what “monogamy” means—and most people assume their partners and spouses are on the same page. Couples may assume that they are monogamous, but never discuss exactly what the monogamy agreement means to them. What happens when this implicit agreement is broken? After infidelity, relationships can become strained as both partners lose trust and faith in each other. The New Monogamy offers a way out of these difficulties for couples struggling to stay together after infidelity. Couples make these implicit assumptions and agreements explicit so that each partner knows exactly what is expected of them in the future and what they can expect from their partner. Author Tammy Nelson helps couples regain trust, romance, and intimacy after infidelity by redefining the monogamy contract. The new monogamy contract is an explicit relationship agreement created after the affair that allows each partner to openly, honestly, and safely share their desires, expectations, and limitations. This agreement does not create an open marriage, but rather, an open conversation wherein each partner can have a say in setting the ground rules for their relationship. The book first helps couples rebuild trust after the affair, then engages in a series of Imago dialogues based on questions about what each partner really wants in the relationship, not what you think you should want or what a partner wants you to want. The New Monogamy includes questionnaires, checklists, and candid questions for partners to ask that help welcome complete honesty and trust back into the relationship. Then, the book helps couples make an erotic recovery from infidelity by addressing erotic problems that may surface and offers advice for helping couples return to desiring and trusting one another. After an affair, it’s impossible to go back to the way the relationship was before, but this book offers the chance for a new beginning. |
| couple therapy for cheaters: A Family Systems Guide to Infidelity Paul R. Peluso, 2018-06-19 A Family Systems Guide to Infidelity offers an explanatory model and concrete techniques, enabling therapists and counselors to treat the core of a couple’s relationship problems instead of merely applying a therapeutic bandage. Chapters give therapists proven techniques to help couples redevelop trust, rebalance power, increase satisfaction, and recover from the wounds that infidelity causes. This text uses case studies from clinical practice, examples of public or historical figures, and scenarios from popular movies to illustrate concepts, and it provides a systemic explanatory model for understanding infidelity, one that focuses on marital dissatisfaction, power imbalances, unfulfilled dreams, and the discovery of infidelity. |
| couple therapy for cheaters: Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy For Dummies Brent Bradley, James Furrow, 2013-07-15 A practical, down-to-earth guide to using the world's most successful approach to couple therapy One of the most successful therapeutic approaches to healing dysfunctional relationships, emotionally focused couple therapy provides clients with powerful insights into how and why they may be suppressing their emotions and teaches them practical ways to deal with those feelings more constructively for improved relationships. Unlike cognitive-behavioural therapy, which provides effective short-term coping skills, emotionally focused therapy often is prescribed as a second-stage treatment for couples with lingering emotional difficulties. Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy For Dummies introduces readers to this ground-breaking therapy, offering simple, proven strategies and tools for dealing with problems with bonding, attachment and emotions, the universal cornerstones of healthy relationships. An indispensable resource for readers who would like to manage their relationship problems independently through home study Delivers powerful techniques for dealing with unpleasant emotions, rather than repressing them and for responding constructively to complex relationship issues The perfect introduction to EFT basics for therapists considering expanding their practices to include emotionally focused therapy methods Packed with fascinating and instructive case studies and examples of EFT in action, from the authors' case files Provides valuable guidance on finding, selecting and working with the right EFT certified therapist |
| couple therapy for cheaters: Surviving an Affair Willard F. Jr. Harley, Jennifer Harley Chalmers, 1998-11 A practical guide to coping with infidelity, explaining how affairs begin, how to end them, and how to restore the marriage afterwards. |
| couple therapy for cheaters: Handbook of the Clinical Treatment of Infidelity Katherine Milewski Hertlein, Fred P Piercy, Joseph L. Wetchler, 2013-03-07 Help your clients’ relationships survive infidelity! In the Handbook of the Clinical Treatment of Infidelity, a panel of seasoned experts reflects on issues central to affairs, and on how to help couples heal and learn from them. First, editors Fred P. Piercy, Katherine M. Hertlein, and Joseph L. Wetchler provide an essential overview of infidelity theory, research, and treatment. They discuss the effect of infidelity on couples and delineate three types of infidelity—emotional, physical, and infidelity including aspects of both. They review the relatively new role of the Internet in infidelity and explore infidelity within the context of comarital relationships. Finally, they discuss the overarching theories and common models used in infidelity treatment. Also in the Handbook of the Clinical Treatment of Infidelity: Susan M. Johnson, the co-developer of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), discusses affairs through the lens of attachment theory, and shows how EFT provides a way to acknowledge and express pain, remorse, and regret, and to repair this attachment bond. David Moultrup takes a Bowenian approach to infidelity, focusing attention on the underlying dynamics of the emotional system Frank Pittman and Tina Pittman Wagers outline cultural myths about affairs and do their share of debunking Adrian Blow discusses how to help couples directly address their pain—and the challenges of the healing process Brian Case highlights the role of apology and forgiveness in the healing process Frank Stalfa and Catherine Hastings focus on the treatment of “accusatory suffering”—a spouse’s obsessive holding onto and retaliating for an affair long after it has ended, and despite the offending partner’s repeated apologies and attempts at restitution Don-David Lusterman discusses individuals who have suppressed or denied traumatic stress reactions to their partner’s affair, and how to help them Scott Johnson discusses myths about affairs, from who is cheating on whom, to whether men really have more affairs than women, to the blame-filled language of “affairs,” “betrayal,” and “infidelity,” asking us to think more systematically about affairs and to see the dynamics of extra dyadic relationships as more complex and nuanced than they are typically portrayed in the literature Joan Atwood provides an overview of Internet infidelity—the factors influencing one’s involvement in this type of infidelity, and some considerations for therapists Tim Nelson, Fred Piercy, and Doug Sprenkle report on the results of a multi-phase Delphi study that explored what infidelity experts say are the critical issues, interventions, and gender differences in the treatment of Internet infidelity Monica Whitty and Adrian Carr draw upon Klein’s object relations theory and discuss how this might influence the way people rationalize their Internet infidelity Emily Brown outlines the concept of the Split Self Affair—discussing its origins, characteristics, and implications for individuals and couples, and providing detailed information on how to work with these couples in therapy Michael Bettinger presents extra dyadic relationship as a fact, rather than a problem, within many gay male relationships—a discussion that shows how gay male polyamory can work as an alternative to the heterosexual model of emotional and sexual exclusivity in romantic dyadic relationships Katherine Hertlein and Gary Skaggs report on the results of a study that assessed the level of differentiation and one’s engagement in extra dyadic relationships The Handbook of the Clinical Treatment of Infidelity is essential reading for today’s (and tomorrow’s) clinicians who work with couples. Make it a p |
| couple therapy for cheaters: Emotional Infidelity M. Gary Neuman, 2009-06-03 What’s holding you back from a great marriage? “I don’t believe in ‘okay,’ ‘decent,’ or ‘solid’ marriages. I’m against them,” says M. Gary Neuman. “I believe only in great marriages, and that you should expect and reach for no less.” In the last fifteen years, M. Gary Neuman, marital therapist and architect of the Sandcastles Divorce Therapy Program, has helped thousands of couples in crisis. Couples who fight. Who’ve grown apart. Who are stuck in relationships that run more on routine and rancor than love and understanding. What he’s found is that, contrary to popular belief, the problem is usually not poor communication. It’s the failure to put most of your focus into your marriage. You’ve only got so much energy. Are you spending it by being emotionally unfaithful? Take a quick check: Do you send that funny e-mail to your friends at work—but not to your spouse? Do you chew over all the problems on the job so thoroughly with your colleagues that by the time you get home, you just don’t feel like going into it all over again? Do you get a secret thrill out of flirting with coworkers—thinking it’s safe because you know it’s not going any further? If so, you’re committing emotional infidelity—and you’re draining your marriage of the energy it needs to be great. Learning how to break this cycle is one of eleven secrets M. Gary Neuman shares in his provocative new book. Based on the ten-week program he’s developed in his successful couples counseling practice, the book offers guidelines that are often counterintuitive, even outrageous or shocking. But they work. Dare to limit contact with members of the opposite sex. Dare to need each other. Dare to put in writing the nitty-gritty realities of a marriage plan. Dare to put your marriage before your kids or job. Dare to make love in a whole new way. Dare to change your focus: make the commitment to focus on each of the eleven secrets (ten plus one bonus secret) for one week apiece and you’ll reap the rewards of a transformed marriage and a reconfirmed relationship. M. Gary Neuman’s program is guaranteed to challenge you and make you reexamine the myths holding you back from true happiness and satisfaction. It will change your marriage forever. |
| couple therapy for cheaters: Affair Healing Tim Tedder, 2017-02-06 |
| couple therapy for cheaters: After the Affair Janis A. Spring, 2008-07-08 After the Affair teaches partners how to heal themselves and grow from the shattering crisis of an infidelity. Drawing on thirty-five years as a clinical psychologist, Dr. Spring offers a series of original and proven strategies that address such questions as: Why did it happen? Once love and trust are gone, can we ever get them back? Can I—should I—recommit when I feel so ambivalent? How do we become sexually intimate again? Is forgiveness possible? What constitutes an affair in cyberspace? |
| couple therapy for cheaters: When You're the One Who Cheats Tammy Nelson, 2019-02-11 A must read for anyone who's been thinking about having an affair. Includes real-life narratives of people who have cheated. Provides insights for those who are single and cheating with a married person. Offers therapists, clergy, and counselors a look into the cheater's motivation. |
| couple therapy for cheaters: The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work John Gottman, PhD, Nan Silver, 2015-05-05 NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • Over a million copies sold! “An eminently practical guide to an emotionally intelligent—and long-lasting—marriage.”—Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work has revolutionized the way we understand, repair, and strengthen marriages. John Gottman’s unprecedented study of couples over a period of years has allowed him to observe the habits that can make—and break—a marriage. Here is the culmination of that work: the seven principles that guide couples on a path toward a harmonious and long-lasting relationship. Straightforward yet profound, these principles teach partners new approaches for resolving conflicts, creating new common ground, and achieving greater levels of intimacy. Gottman offers strategies and resources to help couples collaborate more effectively to resolve any problem, whether dealing with issues related to sex, money, religion, work, family, or anything else. Packed with new exercises and the latest research out of the esteemed Gottman Institute, this revised edition of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work is the definitive guide for anyone who wants their relationship to attain its highest potential. |
| couple therapy for cheaters: Helping Couples Overcome Infidelity Angela Skurtu, 2018-01-12 Helping Couples Overcome Infidelity provides clinicians with tangible, research-oriented intervention strategies that can guide couples through the aftermath of an affair. In the treatment of an affair, there are several key elements that couples need to work through as a team, including assessment, working through the crisis phase, rebuilding trust, acknowledging the pain infidelity causes, repairing relationship issues, creating a dynamic sex life, choosing to stay in or leave the relationship, and forgiveness. This book will cover nine milestones in detail and offer a framework for how clinicians can offer helpful treatment at each step. Also included are case studies of particularly challenging couples that the author has worked with and a section at the end of each chapter on therapist self-care. |
| couple therapy for cheaters: Wired for Love Stan Tatkin, 2024-06-01 Invaluable for so many partners looking to reconnect and grow closer together. —Gwyneth Paltrow, founder and CEO of goop Stan Tatkin can be entirely followed into the towering infernos of our most painful relationship challenges. —Alanis Morissette, artist, activist, and wholeness advocate The complete “insider’s guide” to understanding your partner’s brain, sparking lasting connection, and enjoying a romantic relationship built on love and trust—now with more than 170,000 copies sold. “What the heck is my partner thinking?” “Why do they always react like this?” “How can we get back that connection we had in the beginning?” If you’ve ever asked yourself these questions, you aren’t alone, and it doesn’t mean that your relationship is doomed. Every person is wired for love differently—with different habits, needs, and reactions to conflict. The good news is that most people’s minds work in predictable ways and respond well to security, attachment, and routines, making it possible to neurologically prime the brain for greater love and connection and fewer conflicts. This go-to guide will show you how. Drawn from neuroscience, attachment theory, and emotion regulation, this highly anticipated second edition of Wired for Love presents cutting-edge research on how and why love lasts, and offers ten guiding principles that can improve any relationship. This fully revised and updated edition also includes new guidance on how to manage disagreements, as well as new exercises to help you create a sense of safety and security, establish healthy conflict ground rules, and deal with the threat of the third—any outside source which threatens the harmony in your relationship, including in-laws, alcohol, children, and affairs. You’ll find proven-effective strategies to help you strengthen your relationship by: Creating and maintaining a safe “couple bubble” Using morning and evening routines to stay connected Learning how to see your partner’s point of view Meeting each other halfway in a fight Becoming the expert on what makes your partner feel loved By using simple gestures and words, you’ll learn to put out emotional fires and help your partner feel appreciated and loved. You’ll also discover how to move past a “warring brain” mentality and toward a more cooperative “loving brain.” Most importantly, you’ll gain a better understanding of the complex dynamics at work behind love and trust in intimate relationships. While there’s no doubt that love is an inexact science, if you understand how you and your partner are wired differently, you can overcome your differences, and create a lasting intimate connection. |
| couple therapy for cheaters: The Secrets of Surviving Infidelity Scott Haltzman, 2013-06 Along with changes in the workplace and the explosive growth of electronic communications, there has been a skyrocketing rate of infidelity. This title teaches both the victim and the perpetrator of infidelity how to acknowledge their feelings, reduce their sense of despair, and begin the difficult task of rebuilding a strong relationship. |
| couple therapy for cheaters: Patterns Of Infidelity And Their Treatment Emily M. Brown, 2013-05-13 The new edition of this highly-regarded book includes comprehensive discussion of the nature of an affair and the five types of affairs and their underlying dynamics. The author addresses issues regarding revealing the affair, management of the consequences, rebuilding, and treating an unmarried third party, as well as the host of complex issues regarding children and custody arrangements. New material for the second edition includes cybersex and the effects of new technology on fidelity in marriage; the effects of managed care on treatment; marriage to the third party; and a new chapter on affairs and violence. |
| couple therapy for cheaters: Magnetic Partners Stephen Betchen, 2010-05-18 Do you and your partner argue about the same things over and over again? Are you often confused about why your partner is so angry with you? Are things getting worse and worse even though you’ve tried everything you can think of to make them better? In this breakthrough guide to repairing romantic relationships, therapist and marriage researcher Dr. Stephen Betchen presents a powerful new explanation of what leads to this kind of escalating conflict in couples and how you can repair your relationship and find a whole new level of happiness. Based on his extensive experience as a couples’ therapist, Dr. Betchen has discovered that the prevailing idea that opposites attract is wrong. Instead, one of the strongest forces that attracts people to one another is that they share a hidden, inner conflict in their lives—an unconscious struggle within themselves that each of them developed growing up—which he calls a master conflict. The fact that a couple shares a master conflict acts as an almost magnetic force of attraction, but, over time, master conflicts often begin to push a pair apart—many of the very things you most appreciated about each other start to grate on you, producing increasing hostility. The good news is that by identifying the master conflict that you share, you and your partner can take the steps to break the cycle of fighting and come to a new place of understanding and happiness in your relationship. Often, just the realization that you have this hidden conflict acts as a powerful cure, allowing you to appreciate each other once again and to be empathetic about the things that have been irritating you both. From his years of work with couples, Betchen has identified the nineteen most common master conflicts—such as getting your needs met vs. caretaking; giving vs. withholding; commitment vs. freedom; power vs. passivity—and for each he provides vivid stories of couples who have struggled with them, as well as simple tests that help you to: • Identify the core master conflict that is causing your relationship problems • Understand the origins of your conflict and how it drew you to your partner • Diagnose how the conflict is now pushing you apart • Come to new terms with the conflict to save your relationship As Dr. Betchen writes, knowledge of a master conflict is power, and Magnetic Partners is an empowering guide that will help you not only to identify and control your master conflict, but also to bring your relationship to a new level based on deeper understanding, ultimately leading to greater fulfillment and long-term resilience. Partners |
| couple therapy for cheaters: Out of the Doghouse Robert Weiss, 2017-01-03 It's all about cheating--the biggest threat to intimacy. Typically, men are good at creating rifts in relationships but terrible at mending them, especially after they've repeatedly betrayed their partner through sexual infidelity. For the most part, cheating men are both intimacy-challenged and empathy-challenged, and, as such, they lack the skills needed to overcome the damage wrought by their infidelity. Robert Weiss has spent over twenty years in the treatment of sex and intimacy issues. He's helped both cheating men and their betrayed spouses move through the horrors of infidelity. In Out of the Doghouse he shares his expertise, illuminating the ways in which men can move beyond their usual feeble efforts to smooth things over. Saying I'm sorry and trying to buy forgiveness with flowers and jewelry may temporarily calm the stormy seas of infidelity. However, these actions do nothing to re-establish intimacy and trust—the key components to help the distraught woman feel better about her relationship over the long-term and get over the cheating. The simple truth is men and women are very different when it comes to intimacy and relationships. While men are able to compartmentalize things like sexual infidelity, women typically view cheating as an affront to their entire relationship. They think, If he is lying to me about sex, he's probably lying to me about everything. For betrayed women, trust just flat-out disintegrates. And without proper guidance, men have little hope of restoring it. Weiss provides exactly the needed guidance in Out of the Doghouse, helping men move past the usual infidelity roadblocks that result from cheating in ways that will not only save a damaged relationship, but restore intimacy to make it better than ever. |
| couple therapy for cheaters: Eight Dates John Gottman, Julie Schwartz Gottman, Doug Abrams, Rachel Carlton Abrams, 2019-02-05 Whether you’re newly together and eager to make it work or a longtime couple looking to strengthen and deepen your bond, Eight Dates offers a program of how, why, and when to have eight basic conversations with your partner that can result in a lifetime of love. “Happily ever after” is not by chance, it’s by choice– the choice each person in a relationship makes to remain open, remain curious, and, most of all, to keep talking to one another. From award-winning marriage researcher and bestselling author Dr. John Gottman and fellow researcher Julie Gottman, Eight Dates offers an ingenious and simple-to-implement approach to effective relationship communication. Here are the subjects that every serious couple should discuss: Trust. Family. Sex and intimacy. Dealing with conflict. Work and money. Dreams, and more. And here is how to talk about them—how to broach subjects that are difficult or embarrassing, how to be brave enough to say what you really feel. There are also suggestions for where and when to go on each date—book your favorite romantic restaurant for the Sex & Intimacy conversation (and maybe go to a yoga or dance class beforehand). There are questionnaires, innovative exercises, real-life case studies, and skills to master, including the Four Skills of Intimate Conversation and the Art of Listening. Because making love last is not about having a certain feeling—it’s about both of you being active and involved. |
| couple therapy for cheaters: Helping Couples on the Brink of Divorce William Joseph Doherty, Steven Michael Harris, 2017 This book presents a five-session protocol for distressed couples to learn about what has happened to their relationship and each person's contributions to the problems, with the goal of clarifying a direction for their marriage |
| couple therapy for cheaters: NOT "Just Friends" Shirley Glass, 2007-11-01 One of the world’s leading experts on infidelity provides a step-by-step guide through the process of infidelity—from suspicion and revelation to healing, and provides profound, practical guidance to prevent infidelity and, if it happens, recover and heal from it. You’re right to be cautious when you hear these words: “I’m telling you, we’re just friends.” Good people in good marriages are having affairs. The workplace and the Internet have become fertile breeding grounds for “friendships” that can slowly and insidiously turn into love affairs. Yet you can protect your relationship from emotional or sexual betrayal by recognizing the red flags that mark the stages of slipping into an improper, dangerous intimacy that can threaten your marriage. |
| couple therapy for cheaters: Unfaithful Gary Shriver, Mona Shriver, 2009-11-01 Statistics show that one in every four marriages is impacted by infidelity. So the odds are pretty good that you or someone you know has experienced the searing pain of marital infidelity. But adultery is not an automatic death sentence for your marriage. You can trust again. You can restore intimacy. You can have a relationship that you will both cherish for a lifetime. Ten years ago, Gary and Mona Shriver experienced the devastation caused by adultery, and in the course of trying to save themselves, they wrote this book. Raw, transparently honest, the Shrivers’ story alone is an inspiration, offering hope and practical strategies for healing. Now this updated and revised edition adds other real-life stories of betrayal and forgiveness, and new information defining adultery, including the destruction of emotional affairs. Some doubt if a marriage can truly heal after the ravages of infidelity. Unfaithful proves you can. It’s not easy . . . but it can be done. Is it worth it? Yes. And you hold the first step—and hope—in your hand. |
| couple therapy for cheaters: Getting Past the Affair Douglas K. Snyder, Donald H. Baucom, Kristina Coop Gordon, 2007-01-06 This book has been replaced by Getting Past the Affair, Second Edition, ISBN 978-1-4625-4748-7. |
| couple therapy for cheaters: Worthy of Her Trust Stephen Arterburn, Jason B. Martinkus, 2014-08-19 You Can Win Her Back Few challenges in life are as difficult as regaining a wife’s trust—and few are as ultimately worthwhile. Trust can be rebuilt in your marriage! With patient, loving, self-sacrificing effort, it’s possible that one day your wife will risk her heart with you again. And she may even have more respect and love for you than before. In Worthy of Her Trust, Jason Martinkus relates how he repaired his own marriage after revelations of sexual addiction. Along with Stephen Arterburn, Jason offers exercises and tools rooted in counseling principles to help your marriage begin again. This comprehensive guide discusses: · How to be truly and effectively transparent · Combating the “he must not love me” myth and other untruths · What to do about the Internet, office temptations, and travel · Encouragement for wives who wonder if trust can ever be restored · The “five-minute phone call” and other daily trust-building strategies · What meaningful forgiveness and restitution look like · The Amends Matrix—a concrete exercise to admit past wrongs and cast a vision for a faithful future Including insights from Jason’s wife, Shelley, Worthy of Her Trust guides you through the process of rebuilding your relationship so it is stronger than ever. |
| couple therapy for cheaters: Divorce Busting Michele Weiner Davis, 1993-02 A step-by-step approach to making your marriage loving again. |
| couple therapy for cheaters: I Love You but I'm Not in Love with You Andrew G Marshall, 2010-02-15 How do you fall back in love? This was the underlying problem of one in four couples seeking help from relationship therapist Andrew G. Marshall. They described their problem as: 'I love you but I'm not in love with you'. Noticing how widespread the phenomenon had become, he decided to look more closely. Why were these relationships becoming defined more by companionship than by passion, and why was companionship no longer enough? From his research Andrew has devised his own unique programme. By looking at how a couple communicate, argue, share love, take responsibility, give and learn he offers in seven steps a reassuring and empowering map for how two individuals can better understand themselves, strengthen their bond and recover that lost magic. |
| couple therapy for cheaters: Treating Infidelity Gerald R. Weeks, Nancy Gambescia, Robert E. Jenkins, 2003 Infidelity is one of the leading presenting problems for couples entering counseling. |
| couple therapy for cheaters: We Do Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT, 2018-12-01 “If you and your prospective partner adopt the principles and skills I describe here, your relationship will be successful—not just for starters, but for the long run.” An indispensable guide for any couple ready to set the foundation for a loving and lasting union Committing fully to a loving partnership—a “we”—can be one of the most beautiful and fulfilling experiences you’ll ever have. Yet as anyone in a long-term relationship will tell you, it can also be one of the most challenging. Almost half of all first marriages end in divorce, and chances go down from there. So how do you beat the odds? “All successful long-term relationships are secure relationships,” writes psychotherapist Stan Tatkin. “You and your partner take care of each other in a way that ensures you both feel safe, protected, accepted, and secure at all times.” In We Do, Tatkin provides a groundbreaking guide for couples. You’ll figure out whether you and your partner are right for each other in the long term, and if so, give your relationship a strong foundation so you can enjoy a secure and lasting love. Highlights include: Create a shared vision for your relationship, the key to a strong foundationIt’s all about prevention—learn tools and techniques for preventing problems before they occurUnderstand how to work with the psychological and biological influences in your relationship—neuroscience, arousal regulation, attachment theory, and moreNumerous case studies with helpful examples of healthy and unhealthy interactions, sample dialogues, and reflectionsDozens of exercises—the newlywed game, reading facial expressions, and many more fun and serious practices to develop intimacy and securityHandling conflict—how to broker win-win outcomesBuild a loving relationship that helps you thrive and grow as both individuals and a couple Common interests, physical attraction, shared values, and good communication skills are the factors most commonly thought to indicate a good partnership. Yet surprisingly, current research reveals that these are only a small part of what makes for a healthy marriage—much more important are psychological and biological influences. With We Do, you’ll learn to navigate these elements and more, giving your relationship the best possible chance to succeed. |
| couple therapy for cheaters: Beyond Breath Sariah C Bastian, 2019-11-18 We are taught in life to seek answers externally. We look to the outside world to tell us where to go, or what to do next. Inside of your body is a universe of knowledge that is untapped and unexplored. Beyond Breath is a tool to help you discover how to access the knowledge and information already inside of you. Your body holds all of the answers. Do you know what you do with your life from the time you wake up to the time you go to sleep at night? Does your behavior change according to your environment. Do you feel as though you are pinged around and controlled by external influences? I have seen many therapists in my life and, all served the purpose for where I was at that point. However, my life continued to unravel the same way. I continued to have the same experiences over and over and over again. It wasn't until I recognized and discovered how I was holding myself on the earth, how I carried my body, that I was able to make lasting changes.The shape your body is making is the breath you are able to breathe. The breath you breathe is the life you live. Breath.Is.Life. In this book, learn the tools to soften. To find safety within the walls of your skin. To love and hold yourself as sacred. To come home and find that the safest place for you to be, is right here. In your body.This work has been done in recovery programs and has helped hundreds of women who feel lost and out of control come back to themselves. This work has also been done with addiction recovery to find lasting changes that are internal. No more white knuckling. Forget trying to control the world around you. Find control within yourself. Pure. Whole. Sacred control.Breathe with me. Trust that you are held and you do not need to hold yourself up. Connect and find intimacy. Hold yourself as sacred. Love from a place of abundance rather than neediness. Speak your truth, LIVE your truth. See yourself as you really are. Know YOU are good. Feel that truth in your body and let that be the way life manifests for you.I love you, Love, Sari |
| couple therapy for cheaters: The Life-Saving Divorce Gretchen Baskerville, 2020-02 You Can Love God and Still Get a Divorce. And get this, God will still love you. Really. Are you in a destructive marriage? One of emotional, physical, or verbal abuse? Infidelity? Neglect? If yes, you know you need to escape, but you're probably worried about going against God's will. I have good news for you. You might need to divorce to save your life and sanity. And God is right beside you. In The Life-Saving Divorce You'll Learn: - How to know if you should stay or if you should go.- The four key Bible verses that support divorce for infidelity, neglect, and physical and/or emotional abuse. - Twenty-seven myths about divorce that aren't true for many Christians. - Why a divorce is likely the absolute best thing for your children. - How to deal with friends and family who disapprove of divorce. - How to find safe friends and churches after a divorce. Can you find happiness after leaving your destructive marriage? Absolutely yes! You can get your life back and flourish more than you thought possible. Are you ready? Then let's go. It's time to be free. This book includes multiple first-person interviews. Explains psychological abuse, gaslighting, the abuse cycle, Christian divorce and remarriage, children and divorce, domestic violence, parental alienation, mental abuse, and biblical reasons for divorce. Includes diagrams such as the Duluth Wheel of Power and Control (the Duluth Model) and the Abuse Cycle, as well as graphs based on Paul Amato's 2003 study analyzing Judith Wallerstein's book, The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce. Includes quotes by Leslie Vernick, Lundy Bancroft, Shannon Thomas, David Instone-Brewer, Natalie Hoffman, LifeWay Research, Kathleen Reay, Gottman Institute, Glenda Riley, Martin Luther, John Calvin, Steven Stosny, Michal Gilad, Leonie Westenberg, Nancy Nason-Clark, Julie Owens, Marg Mowczko, Justin Holcomb, Barna Group, Justin Lehmiller, Alan Hawkins, Brian Willoughby, William Doherty, Brad Wright, Bradford Wilcox, Sheila Gregoire, E Mavis Hetherington, John Kelly, Betsey Stevenson, Justin Wolfers, Norm Wright, Virginia Rutter, Judith Herman, and Bessel van der Kolk. Recommended reading list includes: Henry Cloud, John Townsend Boundaries books, Richard Warshack books. |
| couple therapy for cheaters: Tell Me No Lies Peter T. Pearson, Ellyn Bader, Judith D. Schwartz, 2001-12-14 Lying-For Better or Worse Everybody lies. Friends lie to friends. Children lie to their parents. Politicians lie to constituents. And, inevitably, husbands and wives lie to each other. Lies between lovers have tremendous potential to both nurture and destroy a relationship. It is easy to underestimate the power that lies-even seemingly harmless lies-can wield in your marriage. Tell Me No Lies explores the complexity of honesty versus deception in marriage and reveals the many reasons behind the lies we tell our partners (and ourselves). Learn the four marital stages: * The Honeymoon * Emerging Differences * Freedom * Together as Two Discover how to recognize how lying can lead to serious trouble at each stage. The signs include: * The Dark Side of the Honeymoon, when couples refuse to acknowledge any problems * The Stalemate, when couples fight and brutalize each other with exaggerated truths * Freedom Unhinged, when independence outweighs togetherness and marital anarchy ensues. Offering a new way of thinking about truth and deception, this book will help you understand the dynamics of your marriage in the context of the marital stages. If you can identify your marital stage, you can overcome the barriers to honesty and move on to a happier and more fulfilling marriage! |
| couple therapy for cheaters: Infidelity Paul R. Peluso, Taylor J. Irvine, 2024 This second edition brings together an impressive array of experts to discuss and provide understanding to the treatment of infidelity. Bringing together voices from a range of disciplines and backgrounds, including couples therapy, family therapy, evolutionary psychology, relational research, and more, Peluso and Irvine help therapists understand and practically treat this common and complex issue. Divided into three parts, chapters begin by laying the foundations for understanding why couples commit infidelity before looking at different treatments, such as Gottman Method Couples Therapy, models of fidelity and forgiveness, and other integrative approaches. This new edition includes brand-new material on topics such as nonmonogamy, teletherapy, cyber-infidelity, and the impact of infidelity on couples and families from different social, cultural, generational, and sexual perspectives. With revised referrals and resources at the end of each chapter, additional infidelity treatment methods and examinations of gender, race, and power, this guide is essential reading for all practicing and training marriage and family therapists, counselors, psychotherapists, and social workers-- |
| couple therapy for cheaters: Shattered Assumptions Ronnie Janoff-Bulman, 2010-06-15 This book investigates the psychology of victimization. It shows how fundamental assumptions about the world's meaningfulness and benevolence are shattered by traumatic events, and how victims become subject to self-blame in an attempt to accommodate brutality. The book is aimed at all those who for personal or professional reasons seek to understand what psychological trauma is and how to recover from it. |
| couple therapy for cheaters: After a Good Man Cheats: Dr. Caroline Madden, Marriage Therapist, 2015-02-17 This book is a practical action plan that will walk you through the first stages after your wife has discovered your infidelity.You'll learn the things your wife is going to feel, say, and do, giving you the following:* Insight into what she is thinking and why this is so hard for her to get over* Practical advice so you know exactly what to do at this important stage* Actual scripts so you know what to say in response to very specific situations* Clear explanations as to why certain words and actions you think will be helpful might be making this worse* Two self-administered quizzes to help you determine why you cheated so that you can get a better understanding of what triggered your affair. Included at the appropriate points are scripts of what to say and why you need to say those words at that time. Do not just memorize these words and parrot them back to your wife. You have already lost her trust; if you start using words you don't normally use, you'll sound like you're faking it. You will want to translate the scripts into your own natural wording, using the meaning of each script as a launching pad for productive, healing dialogue with your wife.Also, other these other questions are answered:* She doesn't know. I feel guilty. Should I tell her the truth?* We aren't married yet? How does that impact recovering from the affair?* I didn't have a physical relationship with my Affair Partner, why is my wife so upset?* What is an Emotional Affair? |
COUPLE Definition & Meaning - Merriam-Webster
The meaning of COUPLE is two persons married, engaged, or otherwise romantically paired. How to use couple in a sentence. Is couple an adjective?: Usage Guide
Couple - definition of couple by The Free Dictionary
Define couple. couple synonyms, couple pronunciation, couple translation, English dictionary definition of couple. n. 1. Two items of the same kind; a pair. 2. Something that joins or …
COUPLE definition and meaning | Collins English Dictionary
A couple is two people who are married or who are having a romantic relationship.
COUPLE | definition in the Cambridge English Dictionary
COUPLE meaning: 1. two or a few things that are similar or the same, or two or a few people who are in some way…. Learn more.
couple - Wiktionary, the free dictionary
May 13, 2025 · couple (plural couples or couple) A group of two ( especially living beings ; never three or more as in modern English ) : A couple ; two people joined in marriage .
What does CouPLe mean? - Definitions.net
To join (two things) together, or (one thing) to (another). To join in wedlock; to marry. To join in sexual intercourse; to copulate. Etymology: couple, Fr. copula, Latin. 1. A chain or tye that …
"Couple Of" or "Couple" - Difference Explained (+Examples)
We should use the term “couple” when we are strictly speaking about or describing two and only two people, places, things, etc. This is because the term “couple” refers to a pair – generally, …
Couple - Wikipedia
Couple, a set of two of items of a type; Couple (mechanics), a pair of force which are equal in magnitude but opposite in direction and separated by a perpendicular distance so that their line …
Couple Definition & Meaning | Britannica Dictionary
COUPLE meaning: 1 : two people who are married or who have a romantic or sexual relationship; 2 : two people or things that are together pair usually used in the phrase {phrase}in …
Couple Definition & Meaning - YourDictionary
Couple definition: Two items of the same kind; a pair.
COUPLE Definition & Meaning - Merriam-Webster
The meaning of COUPLE is two persons married, engaged, or otherwise romantically paired. How to use couple in a sentence. Is couple an adjective?: Usage Guide
Couple - definition of couple by The Free Dictionary
Define couple. couple synonyms, couple pronunciation, couple translation, English dictionary definition of couple. n. 1. Two items of the same kind; a pair. 2. Something that joins or …
COUPLE definition and meaning | Collins English Dictionary
A couple is two people who are married or who are having a romantic relationship.
COUPLE | definition in the Cambridge English Dictionary
COUPLE meaning: 1. two or a few things that are similar or the same, or two or a few people who are in some way…. Learn more.
couple - Wiktionary, the free dictionary
May 13, 2025 · couple (plural couples or couple) A group of two ( especially living beings ; never three or more as in modern English ) : A couple ; two people joined in marriage .
What does CouPLe mean? - Definitions.net
To join (two things) together, or (one thing) to (another). To join in wedlock; to marry. To join in sexual intercourse; to copulate. Etymology: couple, Fr. copula, Latin. 1. A chain or tye that …
"Couple Of" or "Couple" - Difference Explained (+Examples)
We should use the term “couple” when we are strictly speaking about or describing two and only two people, places, things, etc. This is because the term “couple” refers to a pair – generally, …
Couple - Wikipedia
Couple, a set of two of items of a type; Couple (mechanics), a pair of force which are equal in magnitude but opposite in direction and separated by a perpendicular distance so that their …
Couple Definition & Meaning | Britannica Dictionary
COUPLE meaning: 1 : two people who are married or who have a romantic or sexual relationship; 2 : two people or things that are together pair usually used in the phrase {phrase}in …
Couple Definition & Meaning - YourDictionary
Couple definition: Two items of the same kind; a pair.
