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| couples therapy for exes: Exaholics Lisa Marie Bobby, 2016-02-10 Severing a cherished relationship is one of the most painful experiences in life—and cutting those emotional ties to a loved one can feel almost like ending an addiction. Up till now, people recovering from other problems were able to get real help—like AA and rehab—while those struggling in the aftermath of traumatic breaks dealt with platitudes and friends insisting they should get over it already. But now Exaholics Anonymous treats getting over an ex like kicking a chemical habit. Written by counselor and therapist Dr. Lisa Bobby, Exaholics offers meaningful support and advice to anyone trapped in the obsessive pain of a broken, or dying, attachment. She helps the brokenhearted heal, showing them, on a deep level, how to develop a conceptual framework for their experience, understand the emotional processes at work inside themselves, find the path to recovery, and free themselves of shame, injured ego, and remorse. In-depth case studies of others' journeys will illuminate the way to future happiness. |
| couples therapy for exes: I Ain't Much, Baby--But I'm All I've Got Jess Lair, Ph.D., 1995-03-01 What are some of the discoveries I have made? I found I needed people because I needed the love they could give me. I found that love was something I did. I found that the way I showed people my need and love for them was to tell how it was with me in my deepest heart. I came to feel that was the most loving thing I could do for anyone -- tell them how it was with me and share my imperfections with them. When I did this, most people came back at me with what was deep within them. This was love coming to me. And the more I had coming to me, the more I had to give away. I ain't much, baby -- but I'm all I've got. From his experience comes I Ain't Much, Baby -- But I'm All I've Got. Lair originally wrote this book for his students, but when it gained widespread popularity he rewrote it for publication. It is a book meant to help people share in the success of finding themselves. |
| couples therapy for exes: Splitopia Wendy Paris, 2016-03-15 Packed with research, insights, and illuminating (and often funny) examples from Paris’s own divorce experience, this book is a “practical and reassuring guide to parting well.” —Gretchen Rubin, author of The Happiness Project Engaging and revolutionary, filled with wit, searing honesty, and intimate interviews, Splitopia is a call for a saner, more civil kind of divorce. As Paris reveals, divorce has improved dramatically in recent decades due to changes in laws and family structures, advances in psychology and child development, and a new understanding of the importance of the father. Positive psychology expert and author of Happier, Tal Ben-Shahar, writes that Paris’s “personal insights, stories, and research” create “a smart and interesting guide that can be extremely helpful for those going through divorce.” Reading this book can be the difference between an expensive, ugly battle and a decent divorce, between children sucked under by conflict or happy, healthy kids. This is “a compelling case that it’s high time for a new definition of Happily Ever After—for everyone” (Brigid Schulte, author of Overwhelmed: Work, Love, and Play When No One Has the Time). |
| couples therapy for exes: The Angry Therapist John Kim, 2017-04-18 Tackling relationships, career, and family issues, John Kim, LMFT, thinks of himself as a life-styledesigner, not a therapist. His radical new approach, that he sometimes calls “self-help in a shot glass” is easy, real, and to the point. He helps people make changes to their lives so that personal growth happens organically, just by living. Let’s face it, therapy is a luxury. Few of us have the time or money to devote to going to an office every week. With anecdotes illustrating principles in action (in relatable and sometimes irreverent fashion) and stand-alone practices and exercises, Kim gives readers the tools and directions to focus on what's right with them instead of what's wrong. When John Kim was going through the end of a relationship, he began blogging as The Angry Therapist, documenting his personal journey post-divorce. Traditional therapists avoid transparency, but Kim preferred the language of me too as opposed to you should. He blogged about his own shortcomings, revelations, views on relationships, and the world. He spoke a different therapeutic language —open, raw, and at times subversive — and people responded. The Angry Therapist blog, that inspired this book, has been featured in The Atlantic Monthly and on NPR. |
| couples therapy for exes: Magnetic Partners Stephen Betchen, 2010-05-18 Do you and your partner argue about the same things over and over again? Are you often confused about why your partner is so angry with you? Are things getting worse and worse even though you’ve tried everything you can think of to make them better? In this breakthrough guide to repairing romantic relationships, therapist and marriage researcher Dr. Stephen Betchen presents a powerful new explanation of what leads to this kind of escalating conflict in couples and how you can repair your relationship and find a whole new level of happiness. Based on his extensive experience as a couples’ therapist, Dr. Betchen has discovered that the prevailing idea that opposites attract is wrong. Instead, one of the strongest forces that attracts people to one another is that they share a hidden, inner conflict in their lives—an unconscious struggle within themselves that each of them developed growing up—which he calls a master conflict. The fact that a couple shares a master conflict acts as an almost magnetic force of attraction, but, over time, master conflicts often begin to push a pair apart—many of the very things you most appreciated about each other start to grate on you, producing increasing hostility. The good news is that by identifying the master conflict that you share, you and your partner can take the steps to break the cycle of fighting and come to a new place of understanding and happiness in your relationship. Often, just the realization that you have this hidden conflict acts as a powerful cure, allowing you to appreciate each other once again and to be empathetic about the things that have been irritating you both. From his years of work with couples, Betchen has identified the nineteen most common master conflicts—such as getting your needs met vs. caretaking; giving vs. withholding; commitment vs. freedom; power vs. passivity—and for each he provides vivid stories of couples who have struggled with them, as well as simple tests that help you to: • Identify the core master conflict that is causing your relationship problems • Understand the origins of your conflict and how it drew you to your partner • Diagnose how the conflict is now pushing you apart • Come to new terms with the conflict to save your relationship As Dr. Betchen writes, knowledge of a master conflict is power, and Magnetic Partners is an empowering guide that will help you not only to identify and control your master conflict, but also to bring your relationship to a new level based on deeper understanding, ultimately leading to greater fulfillment and long-term resilience. Partners |
| couples therapy for exes: Divorce Busting Michele Weiner Davis, 1993-02 A step-by-step approach to making your marriage loving again. |
| couples therapy for exes: Betrayal Trauma Recovery Anne Blythe, 2019-05-05 A daily journal for women wondering if their husband's behavior is abusive. For women trying to determine if they should leave or stay. To help women decide if they want to divorce. A daily journal to help victims understand the reality and severity of their situation. For women who are considering separation or divorce due to their husband's lying, gaslighting, infidelity, emotional abuse, narcissistic behaviors. Visit btr.org for more information, and listen to the Betrayal Trauma Recovery podcast found on iTunes, Google Play, Spotify and other podcasting platforms. |
| couples therapy for exes: Relationship Therapy with Same-Sex Couples Jerry Bigner, Joseph L. Wetchler, 2014-01-14 Use new knowledge of the LGBT culture to ably counsel same-sex couples! Relationship Therapy with Same-Sex Couples provides psychologists, therapists, social workers, and counselors with an overview of the array of treatment issues they may face when working with couples from the LGBT community. This book highlights the experiences of therapists who have encountered concerns particular to LGBT clientsespecially those in intimate relationships. This intriguing resource covers clinical issues, sex therapy, special situations, and training issues for helping therapists successfully counsel same-sex couples. Relationship Therapy with Same-Sex Couples explores the therapist’s role in working through universal issues in couples therapysuch as communication problems, infidelity, and decision-makingwith a focus on how therapy should differ for same-sex couples. This important guide also identifies which problems are unique to couples as an aspect of their sexual orientation, including gender role socialization and societal oppression. With this book, you will be able provide appropriate therapy without over- or under-attributing a couple’s problems to their LGBT status. This book shows how experienced therapists have developed methods for working with: gay and lesbian parents heterosexual spouses and ex-spouses couples in HIV serodiscordant relationships lesbian bed death couple and family dynamics supporting transgender and sexual reassignment issues and more! Relationship Therapy with Same-Sex Couples contains several features for you to utilize in your own practice, including the Sexual Orientation Matrix for Supervision (SOMS) to assist supervisors and trainers in preparing supervisees to work with lesbian, gay, and bisexual clients. The book also offers guidelines for heterosexual therapists who plan to work with same-sex couples and how to overcome any residual homophobia or heterosexual guilt. Lastly, this essential sourcebook reviews several articles, book chapters, books, and Web sites that are relevant to same-sex couples and the therapists who work with them. |
| couples therapy for exes: Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life Tracy Schorn, 2016-05-10 Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life is a no-nonsense self-help guide for anyone who has ever been cheated on. Here's advice not based on saving your relationship after infidelity -- but saving your sanity. When it comes to cheating, a lot of the attention is focused on cheaters -- their unmet needs or their challenges with monogamy. But Tracy Schorn (aka Chump Lady) lampoons such blameshifting and puts the focus squarely on the-cheated-upon (chumps) and their needs. Combining solid advice that champions self-respect, along with hilarious cartoons satirizing the pomposity of cheaters, Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life offers a fresh voice for chumps who want (and need) a new message about infidelity. This book will offer advice on Stupid sh*t cheaters say and how to respond, Rookie mistakes of the recently chumped and how to disarm your fears, Why chumps take the blame and how to protect yourself, and more. Full of snark, sass, and real wisdom about how to bounce back after the gut blow of betrayal, Schorn is the friend who guides you through this nightmare and gives you hope for a better life ahead. |
| couples therapy for exes: The Hard Questions Susan Piver, 2021-06-22 A revised and expanded edition of the classic relationship book that has helped thousands of couples shape a shared vision for their lives together. With this simple-yet-profound relationship tool, Susan Piver shows couples at any stage of their relationships--whether they are considering engagement, have been married for decades, or just want to deepen their connection--how they can forge and strengthen lasting, intimate bonds. Focusing on key areas such as home, money, work, community, and family, The Hard Questions contains 100 thought-provoking questions for couples to ask each other, including: • What will our home look like? • What are our professional goals? • How do you feel about sharing our life on social media? • Will we try to have children, and if so, when? The Hard Questions provides couples with guidance and support for having the kind of conversations that will lead them to a deeper understanding of each other and a happy, healthy, and prosperous future together. |
| couples therapy for exes: How To Save Your Marriage In 3 Simple Steps Lee H Baucom Ph D, Lee H. Baucom, 2013-10 This book presents Lee Baucom's system for saving your marriage in three easy steps: connecting with your spouse, changing yourself, and creating a new path. |
| couples therapy for exes: The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work John Gottman, PhD, Nan Silver, 2015-05-05 NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • Over a million copies sold! “An eminently practical guide to an emotionally intelligent—and long-lasting—marriage.”—Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work has revolutionized the way we understand, repair, and strengthen marriages. John Gottman’s unprecedented study of couples over a period of years has allowed him to observe the habits that can make—and break—a marriage. Here is the culmination of that work: the seven principles that guide couples on a path toward a harmonious and long-lasting relationship. Straightforward yet profound, these principles teach partners new approaches for resolving conflicts, creating new common ground, and achieving greater levels of intimacy. Gottman offers strategies and resources to help couples collaborate more effectively to resolve any problem, whether dealing with issues related to sex, money, religion, work, family, or anything else. Packed with new exercises and the latest research out of the esteemed Gottman Institute, this revised edition of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work is the definitive guide for anyone who wants their relationship to attain its highest potential. |
| couples therapy for exes: NARCISSISTS 101 - Beginners Guide to Understanding and Dealing with a Narcissist N. Niami, 2020-12 Narcissists 101 is a beginners guide to understanding and dealing with a narcissist. Dealing with a narcissist is anything but easy; it is confusing and daunting. Nothing about them makes any sense and the more you try to figure them out the more confused you become. How could someone who claims to love you hurt you this much and how could you love someone who is hurting you? The author shares insight from personal experience about what lies beneath the narcissist; revealing the basic characteristics of a narcissist and why they do what they do to help you make sense of all this nonsense. The book contains 101 simple yet powerful truths easy to understand and comprehend so that once you know the truth, the truth can set you free. Find out more on www.noorniami.com You can also find her on IG @faithfilledlife_ |
| couples therapy for exes: Couples Counseling Marina Iandoli Williams Lmhc, Marina Williams, 2012-05-14 A session by session guide book for mental health practitioners on how to conduct evidence-based couples counseling. The book guides the therapist step by step through twelve sessions, and covers everything from the very first client phone call all the way through termination. |
| couples therapy for exes: Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay Mira Kirshenbaum, 1997-07-01 There are many books that promise to help you fix a bad relationship. This groundbreaking bestseller is the first one to help you choose whether you should even try—or if you need to go. Psychotherapist Mira Kirshenbaum draws on years of research and her work with real-life couples to help you make the right decision. She shows you how to diagnose your unique situation with self-analysis and questions like these, which get to the very heart of your problems: • What sins are forgivable and which ones are unpardonable? • Is your partner questioning your opinions to the point where you doubt yourself? • What is your sex life really like, and how important is it? • Is there real love left between you, and how does it stack up against all that you find unlovable? Mira Kirshenbaum provides expert guidelines that are the key to making all your choices, concrete steps that you can implement right now, and the ultimate way to determine your personal bottom line—what you need to be happy. This remarkably insightful and probing guide offers advice that lets you see the truth about your relationship—and with wisdom and compassion, it helps you act with the confidence of knowing that whether you decide to go or stay, you are doing the very best thing. |
| couples therapy for exes: Guardrails Participant's Guide Andy Stanley, 2013-04-24 In this six-session small group Bible study (DVD/digital video sold separately), Andy Stanley challenges us to stop flirting with disaster and establish personal guardrails. Guardrails. They're everywhere, but they don't really get much attention ... until somebody hits one. And then, more often than not, it is a lifesaver. Ever wonder what it would be like to have guardrails in other areas of your life-areas where culture baits you to the edge of disaster and then chastises you when you step across the line? Your friendships. Your finances. Your marriage. Maybe your greatest regret could have been avoided if you had established guardrails. In this six-session video-based small group bible study, Andy Stanley challenges us to stop flirting with disaster and establish some personal guardrails. Sessions include: Direct and Protect (20:00) Why Can’t We Be Friends? (18:30) Flee Baby Flee! (21:30) Me and the Mrs. (15:00) The Consumption Assumption (19:00) Once and for All (17:30) Designed for use with the Guardrails Video Study (sold separately). |
| couples therapy for exes: Couples on the Fault Line Peggy Papp, 2001-07-15 Edited by a renowned family therapist, this book brings together prominent marital and family therapists to explore the new challenges and opportunities facing couples and the clinicians who work with them. The volume presents a range of approaches to helping couples reconsider and reorder their life priorities around parenting, marriage, and other stages of life. |
| couples therapy for exes: Get the Guy Matthew Hussey, 2013-04-09 Most dating books tell you what NOT to do. Here's a book dedicated to telling you what you CAN do. In his book, Get the Guy, Matthew Hussey—relationship expert, matchmaker, and star of the reality show Ready for Love—reveals the secrets of the male mind and the fundamentals of dating and mating for a proven, revolutionary approach to help women to find lasting love. Matthew Hussey has coached thousands of high-powered CEOs, showing them how to develop confidence and build relationships that translate into professional success. Many of Matthew’s male clients pressed him for advice on how to apply his winning strategies not to just get the job, but how to get the girl. As his reputation grew, Hussey was approached by more and more women, eager to hear what he had learned about the male perspective on love and romance. From landing a first date to establishing emotional intimacy, playful flirtation to red-hot bedroom tips, Matthew’s insightfulness, irreverence, and warmth makes Get the Guy: Learn Secrets of the Male Mind to Find the Man You Want and the Love You Deserve a one-of-a-kind relationship guide and the handbook for every woman who wants to get the guy she’s been waiting for. |
| couples therapy for exes: What Makes Love Last? John Gottman, John Mordechai Gottman, Nan Silver, 2013-09-10 One of the foremost relationship experts at work today offers creative insight on building trust and avoiding betrayal, helping readers to decode the mysteries of healthy love and relationships-- |
| couples therapy for exes: Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts Les Parrott, Leslie Parrott, 2015-10-27 OVER ONE MILLION COPIES SOLD! With this updated edition of their award-winning book, Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott help you launch lifelong love like never before. This is more than a book--it's an experience, especially when you use the his/her workbooks filled with more than 40 fun exercises. Get ready for deeper intimacy with the best friend you'll ever have. Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts, which has been translated into more than 15 languages, is the most widely used marriage prep tool in the world. Why? Because it will help you . . . Uncover the misbeliefs of marriage Learn to communicate with instant understanding Discover the secret to resolving conflict Master the skills of money management Get your sex life off to a great start A compelling video, featuring real-life couples, is available, and with this updated edition, Les and Leslie unveil the game-changing SYMBIS Assessment. Now you can discover how to leverage your personalities for a love that lasts a lifetime. Make your marriage everything it is meant to be. Save your marriage--before (and after) it starts. |
| couples therapy for exes: Mating in Captivity Esther Perel, 2007-10-30 One of the world’s most respected voices on erotic intelligence, Esther Perel offers a bold, provocative new take on intimacy and sex. Mating in Captivity invites us to explore the paradoxical union of domesticity and sexual desire, and explains what it takes to bring lust home. Drawing on more than twenty years of experience as a couples therapist, Perel examines the complexities of sustaining desire. Through case studies and lively discussion, Perel demonstrates how more exciting, playful, and even poetic sex is possible in long-term relationships. Wise, witty, and as revelatory as it is straightforward, Mating in Captivity is a sensational book that will transform the way you live and love. |
| couples therapy for exes: I Love You but I'm Not in Love with You Andrew G Marshall, 2010-02-15 How do you fall back in love? This was the underlying problem of one in four couples seeking help from relationship therapist Andrew G. Marshall. They described their problem as: 'I love you but I'm not in love with you'. Noticing how widespread the phenomenon had become, he decided to look more closely. Why were these relationships becoming defined more by companionship than by passion, and why was companionship no longer enough? From his research Andrew has devised his own unique programme. By looking at how a couple communicate, argue, share love, take responsibility, give and learn he offers in seven steps a reassuring and empowering map for how two individuals can better understand themselves, strengthen their bond and recover that lost magic. |
| couples therapy for exes: Counseling Before Marriage Everett L. Worthington, 1990 Everett Worthington's study on counseling before marriage is part of the Resources for Christian Counseling series, a series that combines the best of current psychological insight with rigorous adherence to Scripture. |
| couples therapy for exes: Brief Therapy with Couples Maria Gilbert, Diana Shmukler, 1996-12-23 Brief Therapy with Couples is a practical guide to brief therapy for couples & relationship problems, that relates therapy to the cultural, racial, & religious context of relationships, as well as key issues like parenting & same-sex relationships. |
| couples therapy for exes: Love Must Be Tough James C. Dobson, 2010-12-22 You've forgiven a thousand times. You've bent over backwards to make your partner feel loved and accepted. But the only reward for your loyalty has been anger, indifference, infidelity, or abuse. Your spouse may even be ready to walk out the door. Do you feel like all is lost? Are you ready to give up? There IS still hope. Dr. James Dobson's “tough love” principles have proven to be uniquely valuable and effective. Unlike most approaches to marriage crisis, the strategy in this groundbreaking classic does not require the willing cooperation of both spouses. Love Must Be Tough offers the guidance that gives you the best chance of rekindling romance, renewing your relationship, and drawing your partner back into your arms. |
| couples therapy for exes: Breakup Bootcamp Amy Chan, 2020-12-01 “A relationship expert whose work is like that of a scientific Carrie Bradshaw.” —THE OBSERVER A self-affirming, holistic guide for everyone—single or married, divorced or dating—to transforming heartbreak into healing by the founder of the innovative and revolutionary Renew Breakup Bootcamp Amy Chan hit rock bottom when she discovered that her boyfriend cheated on her. Although she was angry and broken-hearted, Chan soon came to realize that the breakup was the shakeup she needed to redirect her life. Instead of descending into darkness, she used the pain of the breakup as a bridge to self-actualization. She devoted herself to learning various healing modalities from the ancient to the scientific, and dived into the psychology of love. It worked. Fast forward years later, Amy completely transformed her life, her relationships and founded a breakup bootcamp helping countless women heal their hearts. In Breakup Bootcamp, Amy Chan directs her experience as a relationship columnist and as the creator of Renew Breakup Bootcamp into a practical, thoughtful guide to turning broken hearts into an opportunity to break out of complacency and destructive habits. Dubbed the Chief Heart Hacker, Amy Chan grounds her practical advice and tried and tested methods rooted in cutting-edge psychology and research, helping first her bootcamp attendees and now her readers most effectively heal and reclaim their self-love. Breakup Bootcamp comes at the perfect time, when many are feeling the intensity of being in or out of a relationship, lonely or suffocated, and flirting with old toxic relationships they’ve outgrown. Relatable, life-changing, and backed by sound scientific research, Breakup Bootcamp can help anyone turn their greatest heartbreak into a powerful tool for growth. |
| couples therapy for exes: Divorced Girl Smiling Jackie Pilossoph, 2014 Smile! It's not just the end of your marriage, it's the beginning of your second chance!Missy Benson has a two and a half carat diamond engagement ring with color grade H, VS2 clarity and a value of $36,000. It's absolutely gorgeous, practically flawless, and let's be honest, really big!But what the successful Chicago realtor doesn't have anymore is a husband. After 12 years of marriage, her husband, Paul, a handsome, wealthy attorney has devastated her by breaking up their marriage for Priscilla Sommerfeld, a young, personal trainer, who according to Missy's sassy assistant, J.J., looks more like a Las Vegas stripper than a fitness expert.Not sure what to do with her ring, and with no financial issues to worry about, Missy decides to put it up for sale on Craigslist. The price: 99 cents! The catch: She gets to pick the buyer. In essence, she's looking for the perfect guy, but not for herself. Her hope is to regain faith that good men do exist, and that marriages can last forever.Now referring to herself as the divorced girl, Missy interviews dozens of young men who are vying for the huge ring. It's a contest that includes outrageous characters, hilarious and sentimental stories, and two finalists, both of whom Missy adores and who she must choose between. Then there's Parker Missoni, the sexiest contestant by far, who drives her crazy with his brutal honesty, and at the same time stops her heart with his deep brown eyes.Divorced Girl Smiling is the story of a woman's journey to do whatever it takes to heal herself from divorce. It's about acceptance, reflection, taking accountability for mistakes, and appreciating all of life's wonderful gifts. In other words, if you have the guts to put the past behind, admit your mistakes, embrace your future, and give love another chance, you will surely be a divorced girl smiling. |
| couples therapy for exes: Our Love Is Too Good to Feel So Bad Mira Kirshenbaum, 1998 We just don't know how to make each other happy any more. ''Sex used to be really good. Now it doesn't go right at all. You don't suddenly lose the ability to make scrambled eggs. So why would we forget how to make love? We can't seem to talk without fighting. How did we get into this? I know what we're mad about, but I don't know why things keep making us so mad. Many of us have had experiences like these. Something's wrong--perhaps seriously wrong--but it's a complete mystery why a once-healthy relationship is now in trouble. You're tired of working unproductively on it, you're tired of feeling so confused, and you're tired of solutions that seem complicated and irrelevant. You deserve to know what your real couples problem is and what to do to solve it. This book does something that no book has ever done before. It shows you how to sort through all the pain and confusion in your relationship, put your finger on exactly what's been causing all the troubles, and find the precise way to eliminate them. For the first time, psychotherapist and bestselling author Mira Kirshenbaum has identified ten love killers that cause all the pain and mysterious problems couples get into. By answering simple questions, you'll be able to diagnose your individual case and identify the love killers responsible for your specific problems. We just don't know how to make each other happy any more. ''Sex used to be really good. Now it doesn't go right at all. You don't suddenly lose the ability to make scrambled eggs. So why would we forget how to make love? We can't seem to talk without fighting. How did we get into this? I know what we're mad about, but I don't know why things keep making us so mad. Many of us have had experiences like these. Something's wrong--perhaps seriously wrong--but it's a complete mystery why a once-healthy relationship is now in trouble. You're tired of working unproductively on it, you're tired of feeling so confused, and you're tired of solutions that seem complicated and irrelevant. You deserve to know what your real couples problem is and what to do to solve it. This book does something that no book has ever done before. It shows you how to sort through all the pain and confusion in your relationship, put your finger on exactly what's been causing all the troubles, and find the precise way to eliminate them. For the first time, psychotherapist and bestselling author Mira Kirshenbaum has identified ten love killers that cause all the pain and mysterious problems couples get into. By answering simple questions, you'll be able to diagnose your individual case and identify the love killers responsible for your specific problems. |
| couples therapy for exes: The Argument Hangover Aaron Freeman, Jocelyn Freeman, 2021-03-16 Learn how you and your partner can fight smarter, communicate like pros, and handle any challenge as a team! You know that feeling right after an argument you’ve had with your partner? You feel kind of sick to your stomach, your head is buzzing, and you're zoned out. You regret what you said or how you said it, and you're hurt by their actions as well. Almost like a food or alcohol hangover, right? Aaron and Jocelyn Freeman, your new favorite relationship mentors, call this the argument hangover. In this relatable, no b.s. book for couples, the Freemans explain what an argument hangover is, what causes it, and how to clearly communicate your needs to feel understood, without having to change each other. This modern guide includes step-by-step tools and exercises you can implement right away, so you can handle the challenges that so many couples face today. Topics include: Why conflict doesn’t have to be something you avoid How to keep arguments from escalating How to resolve those nagging two or three disagreements that keep coming up Embrace conflict and grow from it with the right communication skills―and say goodbye to argument hangovers once and for all. |
| couples therapy for exes: Integrative Behavioral Couple Therapy: A Therapist's Guide to Creating Acceptance and Change, Second Edition Andrew Christensen, Brian D. Doss, Neil S. Jacobson, 2020-09-15 The definitive therapist manual for Integrative Behavioral Couple Therapy (IBCT)—one of the most empirically supported approaches to couple therapy. Andrew Christensen, codeveloper (along with the late Neil Jacobson) of Integrative Behavioral Couple Therapy, and Brian Doss provide an essential manual for their evidence-based practice. The authors offer guidance on formulation, assessment, and feedback of couples’ distress from an IBCT perspective. They also detail techniques to achieve acceptance and deliberate change. In this updated edition of the work, readers learn about innovations to the IBCT approach in the 20+ years since the publication of the original edition—including refinements of core therapeutic techniques. Additionally, this edition provides new guidance on working with diverse couples, complex clinical issues, and integrating technology into a course of treatment. |
| couples therapy for exes: Buddha's Bedroom Cheryl Fraser, 2019-01-02 Dr. Cheryl Fraser presents enlivening mindfulness exercises, techniques from couples and sex therapy, and the wisdom of Buddhist teachings to help you spark the passion and thrill you've been seeking in your relationship. With this book, couples can break free from the monotony of familiar routines and bring a little nirvana back to the bedroom for a more exciting, loving, and fulfilling connection. |
| couples therapy for exes: This Is How Your Marriage Ends Matthew Fray, 2022-03-22 A thoughtful, down-to-earth, contemporary guide to help partners identify and address relationship-killing behavior patterns in their own lives. Good people can be bad at relationships. One night during his divorce, after one too many vodkas and a call with a phone-in-therapist who told him to “journal his feelings,” Matthew Fray started a blog. He needed to figure out how his ex-wife went from the eighteen-year-old college freshman who adored him to the angry woman who thought he was an asshole and left him. As he pieced together the story of his marriage and its end, Matthew began to realize a hard truth: even though he was a decent guy, he was a bad husband. As he shared raw, uncomfortable, and darkly humorous first-person stories about the lessons he’d learned from his failed marriage, a peculiar thing happened. Matthew started to gain a following. In January 2016 a post he wrote—“She Divorced Me Because I left the Dishes by the Sink”—went viral and was read over four million times. Filtered through the lens of his own surprising, life-changing experience and his years counseling couples, This Is How Your Marriage Ends exposes the root problem of so many relationships that go wrong. We simply haven’t been taught any of the necessary skills, Matthew explains. In fact, it is sometimes the assumption that we are acting on good intentions that causes us to alienate our partners and foment mistrust. With the humorous, entertaining, and counterintuitive approach of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, and the practical insights of The 5 Love Languages, This is How Your Marriage Ends helps readers identify relationship-killing behavior patterns in their own lives, and offers solutions to break free from the cycles of dysfunction and destruction. It is must-read for every partner no matter what stage–beginning, middle, or even end—of your relationship. |
| couples therapy for exes: How to Fix a Broken Heart Guy Winch, 2018-02-13 Imagine if we treated broken hearts with the same respect and concern we have for broken arms? Psychologist Guy Winch urges us to rethink the way we deal with emotional pain, offering warm, wise, and witty advice for the broken-hearted. Real heartbreak is unmistakable. We think of nothing else. We feel nothing else. We care about nothing else. Yet while we wouldn’t expect someone to return to daily activities immediately after suffering a broken limb, heartbroken people are expected to function normally in their lives, despite the emotional pain they feel. Now psychologist Guy Winch imagines how different things would be if we paid more attention to this unique emotion—if only we can understand how heartbreak works, we can begin to fix it. Through compelling research and new scientific studies, Winch reveals how and why heartbreak impacts our brain and our behavior in dramatic and unexpected ways, regardless of our age. Emotional pain lowers our ability to reason, to think creatively, to problem solve, and to function at our best. In How to Fix a Broken Heart he focuses on two types of emotional pain—romantic heartbreak and the heartbreak that results from the loss of a cherished pet. These experiences are both accompanied by severe grief responses, yet they are not deemed as important as, for example, a formal divorce or the loss of a close relative. As a result, we are often deprived of the recognition, support, and compassion afforded to those whose heartbreak is considered more significant. Our heart might be broken, but we do not have to break with it. Winch reveals that recovering from heartbreak always starts with a decision, a determination to move on when our mind is fighting to keep us stuck. We can take control of our lives and our minds and put ourselves on the path to healing. Winch offers a toolkit on how to handle and cope with a broken heart and how to, eventually, move on. |
| couples therapy for exes: The State of Affairs Esther Perel, 2017-10-10 A fresh look at infidelity, broadening the focus from the havoc it wreaks within a committed relationship to consider also why people do it, what it means to them, and why breaking up is the expected response to duplicity — but not necessarily the wisest one.” — LA Review of Books From iconic couples’ therapist and bestselling author of Mating in Captivity comes a provocative and controversial look at infidelity with practical, honest, and empathetic advice for how to move beyond it. An affair: it can rob a couple of their relationship, their happiness, their very identity. And yet, this extremely common human experience is so poorly understood. What are we to make of this time-honored taboo—universally forbidden yet universally practiced? Why do people cheat—even those in happy marriages? Why does an affair hurt so much? When we say infidelity, what exactly do we mean? Do our romantic expectations of marriage set us up for betrayal? Is there such a thing as an affair-proof marriage? Is it possible to love more than one person at once? Can an affair ever help a marriage? Perel weaves real-life case stories with incisive psychological and cultural analysis in this fast-paced and compelling book. For the past ten years, Perel has traveled the globe and worked with hundreds of couples who have grappled with infidelity. Betrayal hurts, she writes, but it can be healed. An affair can even be the doorway to a new marriage—with the same person. With the right approach, couples can grow and learn from these tumultuous experiences, together or apart. Affairs, she argues, have a lot to teach us about modern relationships—what we expect, what we think we want, and what we feel entitled to. They offer a unique window into our personal and cultural attitudes about love, lust, and commitment. Through examining illicit love from multiple angles, Perel invites readers into an honest, enlightened, and entertaining exploration of modern marriage in its many variations. Fiercely intelligent, The State of Affairs provides a daring framework for understanding the intricacies of love and desire. As Perel observes, “Love is messy; infidelity more so. But it is also a window, like no other, into the crevices of the human heart.” |
| couples therapy for exes: Borderline, Narcissistic, and Schizoid Adaptations Elinor Greenberg, 2016-09-12 Borderline, Narcissistic, and Schizoid Adaptations demystifies the diagnosis and treatment of personality disorders. It offers clear and practical advice on how to differentiate and treat clients who have made Borderline, Narcissistic, or Schizoid adaptations. Elinor Greenberg begins with an overview of the topic of personality disorders, reframes these disorders as adaptations, and then explains the treatment interventions that work best for each type of adaptation. Later chapters describe how to do specific interventions that deal with commonly encountered treatment issues such as: such as: How to undo a Narcissistic shame-based self-hating depression, How to judge a Schizoid client's sense of interpersonal safety from their dreams, and How to help Borderline clients reach their goals. Each type of intervention is explained in detail, ample clinical examples are given, as is how and when to utilize the method in the client's treatment. Both beginning therapists and experienced clinicians alike will find this book a useful resource that will expand their understanding and effectiveness with this often challenging group of clients. |
| couples therapy for exes: Dare to Lead Brené Brown, 2018-10-09 #1 NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • Brené Brown has taught us what it means to dare greatly, rise strong, and brave the wilderness. Now, based on new research conducted with leaders, change makers, and culture shifters, she’s showing us how to put those ideas into practice so we can step up and lead. Don’t miss the five-part HBO Max docuseries Brené Brown: Atlas of the Heart! NAMED ONE OF THE BEST BOOKS OF THE YEAR BY BLOOMBERG Leadership is not about titles, status, and wielding power. A leader is anyone who takes responsibility for recognizing the potential in people and ideas, and has the courage to develop that potential. When we dare to lead, we don’t pretend to have the right answers; we stay curious and ask the right questions. We don’t see power as finite and hoard it; we know that power becomes infinite when we share it with others. We don’t avoid difficult conversations and situations; we lean into vulnerability when it’s necessary to do good work. But daring leadership in a culture defined by scarcity, fear, and uncertainty requires skill-building around traits that are deeply and uniquely human. The irony is that we’re choosing not to invest in developing the hearts and minds of leaders at the exact same time as we’re scrambling to figure out what we have to offer that machines and AI can’t do better and faster. What can we do better? Empathy, connection, and courage, to start. Four-time #1 New York Times bestselling author Brené Brown has spent the past two decades studying the emotions and experiences that give meaning to our lives, and the past seven years working with transformative leaders and teams spanning the globe. She found that leaders in organizations ranging from small entrepreneurial startups and family-owned businesses to nonprofits, civic organizations, and Fortune 50 companies all ask the same question: How do you cultivate braver, more daring leaders, and how do you embed the value of courage in your culture? In this new book, Brown uses research, stories, and examples to answer these questions in the no-BS style that millions of readers have come to expect and love. Brown writes, “One of the most important findings of my career is that daring leadership is a collection of four skill sets that are 100 percent teachable, observable, and measurable. It’s learning and unlearning that requires brave work, tough conversations, and showing up with your whole heart. Easy? No. Because choosing courage over comfort is not always our default. Worth it? Always. We want to be brave with our lives and our work. It’s why we’re here.” Whether you’ve read Daring Greatly and Rising Strong or you’re new to Brené Brown’s work, this book is for anyone who wants to step up and into brave leadership. |
| couples therapy for exes: After the Breakup: a Self-Love Journal Lindsey Dortch Brock, 2021-10-05 Move beyond your breakup and bounce back stronger with self-love exercises A breakup can be devastating--no matter what side you're on--but with a little inspiration and introspection, you can heal and become the best version of yourself. This guided love journal will help you boost your self-esteem, tap into your inner strength, and reflect on root causes and behavior patterns after a breakup. You'll find prompts and exercises for each step of recovery--from coping immediately after the breakup to preparing for a healthier, happier next relationship and avoiding the dreaded backslide. Go beyond other self-help journals with: A breakup guide for all--This journal is designed for anyone experiencing a breakup, no matter your background or relationship type. Relatable entries--Discover 150 prompts, exercises, quotes, and anecdotes that help address key points on the healing journey, like identifying areas of self-improvement and compartmentalizing feelings. A stage-by-stage structure--Follow the guided format through every step of the process--from processing feelings to getting back out there. Put yourself first, process your breakup, and build healthier relationships with this self-love journal. |
| couples therapy for exes: The Science of Trust: Emotional Attunement for Couples John M. Gottman, 2011-05-09 An eminent therapist explains what makes couples compatible and how to sustain a happy marriage. For the past thirty-five years, John Gottman’s research has been internationally recognized for its unprecedented ability to precisely measure interactive processes in couples and to predict the long-term success or failure of relationships. In this groundbreaking book, he presents a new approach to understanding and changing couples: a fundamental social skill called “emotional attunement,” which describes a couple’s ability to fully process and move on from negative emotional events, ultimately creating a stronger relationship. Gottman draws from this longitudinal research and theory to show how emotional attunement can downregulate negative affect, help couples focus on positive traits and memories, and even help prevent domestic violence. He offers a detailed intervention devised to cultivate attunement, thereby helping couples connect, respect, and show affection. Emotional attunement is extended to tackle the subjects of flooding, the story we tell ourselves about our relationship, conflict, personality, changing relationships, and gender. Gottman also explains how to create emotional attunement when it is missing, to lay a foundation that will carry the relationship through difficult times. Gottman encourages couples to cultivate attunement through awareness, tolerance, understanding, non-defensive listening, and empathy. These qualities, he argues, inspire confidence in couples, and the sense that despite the inevitable struggles, the relationship is enduring and resilient. This book, an essential follow-up to his 1999 The Marriage Clinic, offers therapists, students, and researchers detailed intervention for working with couples, and offers couples a roadmap to a stronger future together. |
| couples therapy for exes: Projective Identification and Psychotherapeutic Technique Thomas H. Ogden, 1982 An examination of projective identification and its clinical uses from a Kleinian perspective. The author puts forward the hypothesis that identification is the patient's way of mastering significant trauma. |
| couples therapy for exes: The Conscious Bride Sheryl Nissinen, Sheryl Paul, 2000 Led by a counselor, brides share their feelings about such issues as being given away, wearing a veil, changing their name, and closing the hotel room door only to find themselves suddenly--married. The author unravels the psychology behind common difficulties and offers practical advice for handling the fears and doubts that so often run amok as wedding bells toll. |
Couples Worksheets - Embrace New Life / Counseling
Develop with me a future plan for our marriage/relationship. Maintain a mutually vibrant spiritual life. Apologize and seek forgiveness. Resolve differences/conflicts/arguments with me. Provide …
The Couples Communica0on Workbook - Between Sessions
The Couples Communica0on Workbook is part of a series of therapy assignment books designed to give therapists and their clients easy access to prac=cal evidence-based psychotherapy …
EFT Stages and Steps (for couples) - WINDOWS OF …
Emotionally Focused Therapy has been broken down in to three stages, and 9 steps. They are as follows: One of the therapist’s primary goals during this stage of EFT is to ensure that the …
Treatment Plans and Interventions in Couple Therapy: A …
Cognitive-behavioral couple therapy (CBCT) includes interventions that focus on partners’ behavior toward each other, their ways of thinking about their relationship (cognitions), and …
for EMOTIONALLY FOCUSED COUPLES THERAPY
how couples interact and how change occurs within the couple. We can reflect upon the differences among these models by exploring how each one approaches the main objectives of …
Working with Highly Escalated Couples using Emotionally …
Teach the Negotiated Time-Out intervention to each partner after tracking each partner’s pattern of escalation (Rosen et al., 2003; Whiting, 2022) The therapist opens doorways to the …
23 Couples Therapy Techniques & Exercises - Coaching Online
If it’s time for you to enhance your relationship, rest assured, there are a multitude of couples therapy techniques and exercises at your fingertips. In this article, everything you need to know …
DBT Skills for Couples referenced to The High Conflict Couple: …
DBT Skills for Couples …referenced to The High Conflict Couple: A DBT Guide to Finding Peace, Intimacy and Validation by Alan Fruzzetti, PhD 1. SELF MONITOR…moving into the Red …
The Corrective Emotional Experience in Couples Therapy
Purpose: To facilitate attachment by helping couples heal past wounds. Rationale: In order for couples therapy to be effective there needs to be a significant amount of healing intensity …
Guide to Individual Sessions in EFT Couple …
To refine impressions of attachment fears and needs underlying their interactional positions and to begin to articulate them. Secrets: An EFT therapist informs individual clients that s/he cannot …
Core Skills Training in Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy
Identify the aspect you find most challenging to integrate into your work with couples: How does the attachment perspective (or normalizing “effective dependency” and recognizing “separation …
Combining Individual and Couple Therapy - JSTOR
couple therapy can be a useful therapeutic model. This article will examine the implications of combining couple and individual treatment from a psychodynamic perspective.
Polyvagal Perspectives on Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy
The ultimate goal of Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples is the cultivation (restoration or creation) of a secure attachment bond between the partners. In EFT, we conceptualize couple …
Strengthening Your Connec on: An Imago Couples Therapy …
LaKelly Hunt, Imago Couples Therapy provides couples with tools to navigate challenges, reconnect emo onally, and build a more conscious and fulfilling partnership. There are four …
Therapeutic Exercises for Couples
Therapeutic Exercises for Couples. Communication Worksheet for Couples- Getting to Know My Partner Closely Objectives: To help individuals learn more about their partners. Instructions: …
How to Get The Most From Your Couples Therapy
I have found most couples approach therapy with the notion that each person will describe their distress, and somehow the therapist will assist them to create a happier, more functional, …
Guide to Early EFT Sessions.steppingintoEFT
Help couple unfold their story – perceptions of problems and strengths, pivotal events. Assess the nature of the problem and the relationship. Is it suitable for couple therapy? Are there …
An Overview of Gottman Method Couples Therapy Mark R.
Couples therapy as a positive affective experience GMCT is about building the “good enough marriage” rather than the ideal marriage. Minimal Goals of Couple’s Therapy:
WHAT IS EMOTIONALLY FOCUSED COUPLES T HERAP Y (EFT)?
Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT) is a therapeutic treatment approach whose goal is the reconnection between partners. EFT, developed by Susan Johnson and Les Greenberg, is …
REBUILDING TRUST - Marital Intimacy Inst
This handout is for couples who are trying to rebuild trust after an infidelity. We suggest that the betrayed partner go through the sample list of low and high-cost behaviors (above and below) …
Couples Worksheets - Embrace New Life / Counseling
Develop with me a future plan for our marriage/relationship. Maintain a mutually vibrant spiritual life. Apologize and seek forgiveness. Resolve differences/conflicts/arguments with me. Provide …
The Couples Communica0on Workbook - Between Sessions
The Couples Communica0on Workbook is part of a series of therapy assignment books designed to give therapists and their clients easy access to prac=cal evidence-based psychotherapy …
EFT Stages and Steps (for couples) - WINDOWS OF …
Emotionally Focused Therapy has been broken down in to three stages, and 9 steps. They are as follows: One of the therapist’s primary goals during this stage of EFT is to ensure that the …
Treatment Plans and Interventions in Couple Therapy: A …
Cognitive-behavioral couple therapy (CBCT) includes interventions that focus on partners’ behavior toward each other, their ways of thinking about their relationship (cognitions), and …
for EMOTIONALLY FOCUSED COUPLES THERAPY
how couples interact and how change occurs within the couple. We can reflect upon the differences among these models by exploring how each one approaches the main objectives …
Working with Highly Escalated Couples using Emotionally …
Teach the Negotiated Time-Out intervention to each partner after tracking each partner’s pattern of escalation (Rosen et al., 2003; Whiting, 2022) The therapist opens doorways to the …
23 Couples Therapy Techniques & Exercises - Coaching Online
If it’s time for you to enhance your relationship, rest assured, there are a multitude of couples therapy techniques and exercises at your fingertips. In this article, everything you need to …
DBT Skills for Couples referenced to The High Conflict …
DBT Skills for Couples …referenced to The High Conflict Couple: A DBT Guide to Finding Peace, Intimacy and Validation by Alan Fruzzetti, PhD 1. SELF MONITOR…moving into the Red …
The Corrective Emotional Experience in Couples Therapy
Purpose: To facilitate attachment by helping couples heal past wounds. Rationale: In order for couples therapy to be effective there needs to be a significant amount of healing intensity …
Guide to Individual Sessions in EFT Couple …
To refine impressions of attachment fears and needs underlying their interactional positions and to begin to articulate them. Secrets: An EFT therapist informs individual clients that s/he cannot …
Core Skills Training in Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy
Identify the aspect you find most challenging to integrate into your work with couples: How does the attachment perspective (or normalizing “effective dependency” and recognizing …
Combining Individual and Couple Therapy - JSTOR
couple therapy can be a useful therapeutic model. This article will examine the implications of combining couple and individual treatment from a psychodynamic perspective.
Polyvagal Perspectives on Emotionally Focused Couple …
The ultimate goal of Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples is the cultivation (restoration or creation) of a secure attachment bond between the partners. In EFT, we conceptualize couple …
Strengthening Your Connec on: An Imago Couples Therapy …
LaKelly Hunt, Imago Couples Therapy provides couples with tools to navigate challenges, reconnect emo onally, and build a more conscious and fulfilling partnership. There are four …
Therapeutic Exercises for Couples
Therapeutic Exercises for Couples. Communication Worksheet for Couples- Getting to Know My Partner Closely Objectives: To help individuals learn more about their partners. Instructions: …
How to Get The Most From Your Couples Therapy
I have found most couples approach therapy with the notion that each person will describe their distress, and somehow the therapist will assist them to create a happier, more functional, …
Guide to Early EFT Sessions.steppingintoEFT
Help couple unfold their story – perceptions of problems and strengths, pivotal events. Assess the nature of the problem and the relationship. Is it suitable for couple therapy? Are there …
An Overview of Gottman Method Couples Therapy Mark R.
Couples therapy as a positive affective experience GMCT is about building the “good enough marriage” rather than the ideal marriage. Minimal Goals of Couple’s Therapy:
WHAT IS EMOTIONALLY FOCUSED COUPLES T HERAP …
Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT) is a therapeutic treatment approach whose goal is the reconnection between partners. EFT, developed by Susan Johnson and Les Greenberg, is …
REBUILDING TRUST - Marital Intimacy Inst
This handout is for couples who are trying to rebuild trust after an infidelity. We suggest that the betrayed partner go through the sample list of low and high-cost behaviors (above and below) …
