Couples Therapy For Infidelity

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  couples therapy for infidelity: Infidelity Paul R. Peluso, 2007-06-15 When one partner in a relationship is unfaithful to the other, it takes a lot of work by both parties involved to salvage the relationship. In today’s therapy-friendly climate, marriage/couples counseling is often a part of that rebuilding process. Many couples seek out professional therapy after an affair is out in the open, but often the act of infidelity is revealed while uncovering and discussing unrelated issues for which the couple is in counseling. And yet, amazingly, as common as this complex and difficult topic arises in therapy, there is relatively little professional literature devoted to understanding and treating infidelity. In this volume, Paul Peluso has assembled a truly impressive list of contributors from a range of disciplines and backgrounds, including marital therapy, family therapy, evolutionary psychology, marriage research, and cyberstudies, with the aim of filling this void.
  couples therapy for infidelity: What Makes Love Last? John Gottman, John Mordechai Gottman, Nan Silver, 2013-09-10 One of the foremost relationship experts at work today offers creative insight on building trust and avoiding betrayal, helping readers to decode the mysteries of healthy love and relationships--
  couples therapy for infidelity: Managing the Aftermath of Infidelity Butch Losey, 2021-06-28 This book tackles the challenges that arise from infidelity by helping couples heal through the initial experiences of discovery, providing tools to help partners disclose the details of the affair, manage triggering experiences and obtain forgiveness and reconciliation. Managing in the Aftermath of Infidelity is organized to speak directly to the betraying partner, the betrayed partner, and the therapist independently, offering valuable insights on how each role can assist in making recovery successful. Early chapters direct couples on how to limit potential damage from the fall out of discovery, and subsequent chapters help the couple repair and rebuild a new post-affair relationship. The strategies within this book can be used by the couple alone or as a companion to working with a therapist. Taking the reader sequentially through the essential steps of affair recovery, this text is an essential guide for marriage counselors and their patients.
  couples therapy for infidelity: Helping Couples Overcome Infidelity Angela Skurtu, 2018-01-12 Helping Couples Overcome Infidelity provides clinicians with tangible, research-oriented intervention strategies that can guide couples through the aftermath of an affair. In the treatment of an affair, there are several key elements that couples need to work through as a team, including assessment, working through the crisis phase, rebuilding trust, acknowledging the pain infidelity causes, repairing relationship issues, creating a dynamic sex life, choosing to stay in or leave the relationship, and forgiveness. This book will cover nine milestones in detail and offer a framework for how clinicians can offer helpful treatment at each step. Also included are case studies of particularly challenging couples that the author has worked with and a section at the end of each chapter on therapist self-care.
  couples therapy for infidelity: NOT "Just Friends" Shirley Glass, 2007-11-01 One of the world’s leading experts on infidelity provides a step-by-step guide through the process of infidelity—from suspicion and revelation to healing, and provides profound, practical guidance to prevent infidelity and, if it happens, recover and heal from it. You’re right to be cautious when you hear these words: “I’m telling you, we’re just friends.” Good people in good marriages are having affairs. The workplace and the Internet have become fertile breeding grounds for “friendships” that can slowly and insidiously turn into love affairs. Yet you can protect your relationship from emotional or sexual betrayal by recognizing the red flags that mark the stages of slipping into an improper, dangerous intimacy that can threaten your marriage.
  couples therapy for infidelity: When Good People Have Affairs Mira Kirshenbaum, 2008-05-27 A world-renowned therapist, Mira Kirshenbaum has treated thousands of men and women caught in the powerful drama over what to do when an affair reaches into their emotional lives. Now, in When Good People Have Affairs, Kirshenbaum puts her unsurpassed experience into one clear, calming place. She gives readers everything they need to cut through the thickets of fear, hurt and confusion to find their ways to happier, more solid relationships with the person who's right for them. For example, Kirshenbaum identifies seventeen types of affairs, helping readers figure out which type they're in and what it means. Is it a: --See-if affair? --Ejector-seat affair? --Distraction affair? --Unmet-needs affair? --Panic affair? Kirshenbaum encourages honest answers to such questions as: --What am I missing in my marriage? --How do I decide between two people when it's like comparing an apple to an orange? --How do I decide to end my marriage, end my affair, or end them both? She leads readers through six easy-to-navigate steps that will take anyone from anxiety to clarity. When Good People Have Affairs will be a lifeline to any man or woman who feels caught between two lovers, and its insights are indispensable to anyone else touched by an affair.
  couples therapy for infidelity: The State of Affairs Esther Perel, 2017-10-10 A fresh look at infidelity, broadening the focus from the havoc it wreaks within a committed relationship to consider also why people do it, what it means to them, and why breaking up is the expected response to duplicity — but not necessarily the wisest one.” — LA Review of Books From iconic couples’ therapist and bestselling author of Mating in Captivity comes a provocative and controversial look at infidelity with practical, honest, and empathetic advice for how to move beyond it. An affair: it can rob a couple of their relationship, their happiness, their very identity. And yet, this extremely common human experience is so poorly understood. What are we to make of this time-honored taboo—universally forbidden yet universally practiced? Why do people cheat—even those in happy marriages? Why does an affair hurt so much? When we say infidelity, what exactly do we mean? Do our romantic expectations of marriage set us up for betrayal? Is there such a thing as an affair-proof marriage? Is it possible to love more than one person at once? Can an affair ever help a marriage? Perel weaves real-life case stories with incisive psychological and cultural analysis in this fast-paced and compelling book. For the past ten years, Perel has traveled the globe and worked with hundreds of couples who have grappled with infidelity. Betrayal hurts, she writes, but it can be healed. An affair can even be the doorway to a new marriage—with the same person. With the right approach, couples can grow and learn from these tumultuous experiences, together or apart. Affairs, she argues, have a lot to teach us about modern relationships—what we expect, what we think we want, and what we feel entitled to. They offer a unique window into our personal and cultural attitudes about love, lust, and commitment. Through examining illicit love from multiple angles, Perel invites readers into an honest, enlightened, and entertaining exploration of modern marriage in its many variations. Fiercely intelligent, The State of Affairs provides a daring framework for understanding the intricacies of love and desire. As Perel observes, “Love is messy; infidelity more so. But it is also a window, like no other, into the crevices of the human heart.”
  couples therapy for infidelity: In Quest of the Mythical Mate Ellyn Bader, Peter Pearson, 2013-05-13 In Quest of the Mythical Mate presents a valuable and fertile developmental model for diagnosing and treating couples that is flexible enough to incorporate a wide variety of intervention strategies, yet purposeful enough to give a clear sense of direction to couples in distress. As such, this volume provides a powerful therapeutic approach for all professionals who treat couples.
  couples therapy for infidelity: Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life Tracy Schorn, 2016-05-10 Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life is a no-nonsense self-help guide for anyone who has ever been cheated on. Here's advice not based on saving your relationship after infidelity -- but saving your sanity. When it comes to cheating, a lot of the attention is focused on cheaters -- their unmet needs or their challenges with monogamy. But Tracy Schorn (aka Chump Lady) lampoons such blameshifting and puts the focus squarely on the-cheated-upon (chumps) and their needs. Combining solid advice that champions self-respect, along with hilarious cartoons satirizing the pomposity of cheaters, Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life offers a fresh voice for chumps who want (and need) a new message about infidelity. This book will offer advice on Stupid sh*t cheaters say and how to respond, Rookie mistakes of the recently chumped and how to disarm your fears, Why chumps take the blame and how to protect yourself, and more. Full of snark, sass, and real wisdom about how to bounce back after the gut blow of betrayal, Schorn is the friend who guides you through this nightmare and gives you hope for a better life ahead.
  couples therapy for infidelity: Treating Infidelity Gerald R. Weeks, Nancy Gambescia, Robert E. Jenkins, 2003 Infidelity is one of the leading presenting problems for couples entering counseling.
  couples therapy for infidelity: True Love Dates Debra K. Fileta, 2013-10-08 It is possible to find true love through dating. In True Love Dates, Debra Fileta encourages singles not to kiss dating goodbye but instead to experience a season of dating as a way to find real love. Through powerful, real-life stories and Fileta's personal journey, this book offers profound insights from the expertise of a professional counselor. Christians are looking for answers to finding true love. They are disillusioned with the church that has provided little practical application in the area of love and relationships. They're bombarded by Christian books that shun dating, idolize courting, fixate on spirituality, and in the end, offer little real relationship help. True Love Dates provides honest help for dating by providing a guide into vital relationship essentials. Debra is a professional Christian counselor who reaches millions with her popular blog, Truelovedates.com, and her book offers sound advice grounded in Christian spirituality. She delivers insight, direction, and counsel when it comes to entering the world of dating and learning to do it right the first time around. Drawing on the stories and struggles of hundreds of young men and women who have pursued the search for true love, Fileta helps readers bypass unnecessary pain while focusing on the things that really matter in the world of dating.
  couples therapy for infidelity: Healing from Infidelity Michele Weiner-Davis, 2017 Little compares to the devastation people feel upon discovering their spouse has been unfaithful. Shocked, devastated and overwhelmed, couples often hit stalemates as they struggle to get past intense emotional pain, mistrust, resentment and never-ending arguments about the betrayal. Based on over three decades of experience helping couples recover from betrayal and save their marriages, Weiner-Davis offers a step-by-step program to help readers: - Deal with traumatic feelings after the discovery - Respond to questions about the affair - Talk about intense emotions without arguing - End the affair - Offer apologies that are sincere and healing - Overcome flashbacks and painful memories - Rebuild trust and accountability - Make their marriage stronger than before the affair - Find forgiveness - Reconnect sexually This book is filled with case vignettes of couples whose lives were shattered by betrayal but have eventually recovered and thrived.--Publisher's description.
  couples therapy for infidelity: Infidelity Paul R. Peluso, Taylor J. Irvine, 2024-06-06 This second edition brings together an impressive array of experts to discuss and provide understanding to the treatment of infidelity. Bringing together voices from a range of disciplines and backgrounds, including couples therapy, family therapy, evolutionary psychology, relational research, and more, Peluso and Irvine help therapists understand and practically treat this common and complex issue. Divided into three parts, chapters begin by laying the foundations for understanding why couples commit infidelity before looking at different treatments, such as Gottman Method Couples Therapy, models of fidelity and forgiveness, and other integrative approaches. This new edition includes brand-new material on topics such as nonmonogamy, teletherapy, cyber-infidelity, and the impact of infidelity on couples and families from different social, cultural, generational, and sexual perspectives. With revised referrals and resources at the end of each chapter; additional infidelity treatment methods; and examinations of gender, race, and power, this guide is essential reading for all practicing and training marriage and family therapists, counselors, psychotherapists, and social workers.
  couples therapy for infidelity: Love Cycles, Fear Cycles David Woodsfellow, Deborah Woodsfellow, 2018-03-27 Love Cycles, Fear Cycles teaches readers the most important idea in all of couples therapy. This idea gives readers a new understanding of what’s been going wrong in their marriage – and a new way to make things right. The key idea is changing a couple’s negative cycle back into their positive cycle. Most relationships start in a positive cycle, where both people feel wonderful and respond lovingly. There are four words that describe each couple’s positive cycle – one for each person’s good feeling, and one for each person’s loving response. However, as challenges arise, people instinctively respond with some type of fight or flight. Over time, these responses spiral together into a negative cycle where each person feels bad and responds defensively. There are four words for each couple’s negative cycle – one for each person’s worst feeling, and one for each person’s defensive reaction. Many couples get trapped in their negative cycle and their relationship spirals deeper into hurt and loneliness. To have a good marriage, a couple needs to find a way out of their negative cycle and back into their positive cycle. Love Cycles, Fear Cycles teaches readers how to do that. From his decades as a couples therapist, Dr. Woodsfellow has distilled this one most-essential component of all successful marriage counseling. He now presents this to the general public in a way that is easy to understand and easy to use.
  couples therapy for infidelity: Helping Couples Get Past the Affair Donald H. Baucom, Douglas K. Snyder, Kristina Coop Gordon, 2011-02-18 From leading marital therapists and researchers, this unique book presents a three-stage therapy approach for clinicians working with couples struggling in the aftermath of infidelity. The book provides empirically grounded strategies for helping clients overcome the initial shock, understand what happened and why, think clearly about their best interests before they act, and move on emotionally, whether or not they ultimately reconcile. The volume is loaded with vivid clinical examples and carefully designed exercises for use both during sessions and at home. The book will be invaluable to clinicians who treat couples, including couple and family therapists and counselors, clinical psychologists, social workers, pastoral counselors, and psychiatrists. It may also serve as a supplemental text in graduate-level courses.
  couples therapy for infidelity: Marriage Is Not For Chickens Margaret Rutherford, 2018-11-18 When Dr. Margaret sat down to write about her almost 24 year-old marriage, what emerged was the same number of feisty and honest thoughts about what marriage is, and what it definitely is not. Now accompanied by evocative images from around the world by photographers Deborah Strauss and Christine Mathias, her words bring a knowing smile, a nod of the head, and a recognition of hard-earned truth. This slim volume packs a punch and is a perfect gift to honor those who’ve loved each other for years, to guide those who’ve only recently considered commitment…or to keep for yourself. Keywords: Dr. Margaret Rutherford, humor and love marrige books, advice books for newly married couples, marriage books for couples, great gift books for weddings
  couples therapy for infidelity: Cheating in a Nutshell Wayne Mitchell, Tamara Mitchell, 2019-09-08 Cheated on…Battered by emotion…You don't know where to turn. You feel betrayed, devastated, embarrassed, angry, and completely heartbroken. You ask yourself, How can I stop infidelity from ruining my life? How do I cope with this nightmare? You don't realize there is a roadmap that explains what you are going through. That roadmap is Cheating in a Nutshell. Knowledge is Power and Understanding is Liberating. Whatever shade of infidelity you're dealing with, it is powerfully painful – and the feelings that come with it are hardly ever simple. Understanding your pain will change your way of thinking almost immediately. This book is for you if: --You just learned your partner cheated on you --You have been staying with a cheating partner --You were betrayed in a past relationship and seek a deeper understanding of your feelings In Cheating in a Nutshell, Wayne and Tamara Mitchell explain the source of your pain. There is a way out of this darkness, and the first step is to understand the structure of this awful experience. The focus is on the betrayed, not the cheater, and if you've been cheated on, I agree with other reviewers: This is the best book, the only one you need. – Reader Review It's never too late to understand why you feel as you do. Read Cheating in a Nutshell.
  couples therapy for infidelity: After the Affair Janis A. Spring, 2008-07-08 After the Affair teaches partners how to heal themselves and grow from the shattering crisis of an infidelity. Drawing on thirty-five years as a clinical psychologist, Dr. Spring offers a series of original and proven strategies that address such questions as: Why did it happen? Once love and trust are gone, can we ever get them back? Can I—should I—recommit when I feel so ambivalent? How do we become sexually intimate again? Is forgiveness possible? What constitutes an affair in cyberspace?
  couples therapy for infidelity: Handbook of the Clinical Treatment of Infidelity Katherine Milewski Hertlein, Fred P Piercy, Joseph L. Wetchler, 2013-03-07 Help your clients’ relationships survive infidelity! In the Handbook of the Clinical Treatment of Infidelity, a panel of seasoned experts reflects on issues central to affairs, and on how to help couples heal and learn from them. First, editors Fred P. Piercy, Katherine M. Hertlein, and Joseph L. Wetchler provide an essential overview of infidelity theory, research, and treatment. They discuss the effect of infidelity on couples and delineate three types of infidelity—emotional, physical, and infidelity including aspects of both. They review the relatively new role of the Internet in infidelity and explore infidelity within the context of comarital relationships. Finally, they discuss the overarching theories and common models used in infidelity treatment. Also in the Handbook of the Clinical Treatment of Infidelity: Susan M. Johnson, the co-developer of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), discusses affairs through the lens of attachment theory, and shows how EFT provides a way to acknowledge and express pain, remorse, and regret, and to repair this attachment bond. David Moultrup takes a Bowenian approach to infidelity, focusing attention on the underlying dynamics of the emotional system Frank Pittman and Tina Pittman Wagers outline cultural myths about affairs and do their share of debunking Adrian Blow discusses how to help couples directly address their pain—and the challenges of the healing process Brian Case highlights the role of apology and forgiveness in the healing process Frank Stalfa and Catherine Hastings focus on the treatment of “accusatory suffering”—a spouse’s obsessive holding onto and retaliating for an affair long after it has ended, and despite the offending partner’s repeated apologies and attempts at restitution Don-David Lusterman discusses individuals who have suppressed or denied traumatic stress reactions to their partner’s affair, and how to help them Scott Johnson discusses myths about affairs, from who is cheating on whom, to whether men really have more affairs than women, to the blame-filled language of “affairs,” “betrayal,” and “infidelity,” asking us to think more systematically about affairs and to see the dynamics of extra dyadic relationships as more complex and nuanced than they are typically portrayed in the literature Joan Atwood provides an overview of Internet infidelity—the factors influencing one’s involvement in this type of infidelity, and some considerations for therapists Tim Nelson, Fred Piercy, and Doug Sprenkle report on the results of a multi-phase Delphi study that explored what infidelity experts say are the critical issues, interventions, and gender differences in the treatment of Internet infidelity Monica Whitty and Adrian Carr draw upon Klein’s object relations theory and discuss how this might influence the way people rationalize their Internet infidelity Emily Brown outlines the concept of the Split Self Affair—discussing its origins, characteristics, and implications for individuals and couples, and providing detailed information on how to work with these couples in therapy Michael Bettinger presents extra dyadic relationship as a fact, rather than a problem, within many gay male relationships—a discussion that shows how gay male polyamory can work as an alternative to the heterosexual model of emotional and sexual exclusivity in romantic dyadic relationships Katherine Hertlein and Gary Skaggs report on the results of a study that assessed the level of differentiation and one’s engagement in extra dyadic relationships The Handbook of the Clinical Treatment of Infidelity is essential reading for today’s (and tomorrow’s) clinicians who work with couples. Make it a p
  couples therapy for infidelity: How Can I Ever Trust You Again? Andrew G. Marshall, 2016-03 There are few things in life more traumatic than discovering that your partner is having an affair. You are not only coping with the pain and anger but also the sense that your partner is a stranger. How could someone you love, and thought that you knew, treat you like this? How can you ever trust your partner again? Don't panic. Millions of ordinary men and women have trodden the same path and come out the other end with not only their love restored but a significantly stronger and better relationship. Whether you are the discoverer of the affair or whether you were discovered, Marshall offers guidance and support, and explains: The seven stages that couples move through from discovery to recovery. What makes people more vulnerable to affairs. The eight types of infidelity and how understanding your partner's affair is key to deciding whether you should stay or go. How to stop your imagination running wild and your brain from going into meltdown. Why some couples emerge stronger and why others get derailed from the recovery process. With over thirty years' experience as a marital therapist, Marshall draws on hundreds of case studies and provides practical, compassionate and sensible advice to keep your relationship alive. As he says, It might sound strange, but you can turn this crisis from the worst thing that has happened to your relationship into one of the best.
  couples therapy for infidelity: A Family Systems Guide to Infidelity Paul R. Peluso, 2018-06-19 A Family Systems Guide to Infidelity offers an explanatory model and concrete techniques, enabling therapists and counselors to treat the core of a couple’s relationship problems instead of merely applying a therapeutic bandage. Chapters give therapists proven techniques to help couples redevelop trust, rebalance power, increase satisfaction, and recover from the wounds that infidelity causes. This text uses case studies from clinical practice, examples of public or historical figures, and scenarios from popular movies to illustrate concepts, and it provides a systemic explanatory model for understanding infidelity, one that focuses on marital dissatisfaction, power imbalances, unfulfilled dreams, and the discovery of infidelity.
  couples therapy for infidelity: The Dynamics of Infidelity Lawrence Josephs, 2018 This book employs research in social, personality, and evolutionary psychology to explain and offer treatment approaches for individuals and couples suffering from infidelity.
  couples therapy for infidelity: Intimacy After Infidelity Steven Solomon, Lorie Teagno, 2006-11-01 A Guide to Rebuilding Trust and Intimacy It's devastating to discover that the person you trust the most has betrayed you. You'll be facing some hard questions after learning of your partner's infidelity. You may choose to rebuild your relationship, or you may decide to move on. Whatever the right decision is for you, this book will help you figure out why your partner betrayed you and decide whether you can remain in your relationship. It will also show you new ways to relate that can help you and your partner become a lasting, loving, and committed couple. You'll start by taking a look at the phenomenon of infidelity and the three types of intimacy: self-intimacy, conflict intimacy, and affection intimacy. Then you'll learn about the three kinds of infidelity—those of fear, of loneliness, and of anger—and what each reveals about your relationship. Then it's on to practical exercises that can heal emotional wounds and enable you to recover your ability to trust. Even if you decide not to remain with your current partner, the book will help you make wise relationship choices to affair-proof your future relationship.
  couples therapy for infidelity: Emotional Infidelity M. Gary Neuman, 2009-06-03 What’s holding you back from a great marriage? “I don’t believe in ‘okay,’ ‘decent,’ or ‘solid’ marriages. I’m against them,” says M. Gary Neuman. “I believe only in great marriages, and that you should expect and reach for no less.” In the last fifteen years, M. Gary Neuman, marital therapist and architect of the Sandcastles Divorce Therapy Program, has helped thousands of couples in crisis. Couples who fight. Who’ve grown apart. Who are stuck in relationships that run more on routine and rancor than love and understanding. What he’s found is that, contrary to popular belief, the problem is usually not poor communication. It’s the failure to put most of your focus into your marriage. You’ve only got so much energy. Are you spending it by being emotionally unfaithful? Take a quick check: Do you send that funny e-mail to your friends at work—but not to your spouse? Do you chew over all the problems on the job so thoroughly with your colleagues that by the time you get home, you just don’t feel like going into it all over again? Do you get a secret thrill out of flirting with coworkers—thinking it’s safe because you know it’s not going any further? If so, you’re committing emotional infidelity—and you’re draining your marriage of the energy it needs to be great. Learning how to break this cycle is one of eleven secrets M. Gary Neuman shares in his provocative new book. Based on the ten-week program he’s developed in his successful couples counseling practice, the book offers guidelines that are often counterintuitive, even outrageous or shocking. But they work. Dare to limit contact with members of the opposite sex. Dare to need each other. Dare to put in writing the nitty-gritty realities of a marriage plan. Dare to put your marriage before your kids or job. Dare to make love in a whole new way. Dare to change your focus: make the commitment to focus on each of the eleven secrets (ten plus one bonus secret) for one week apiece and you’ll reap the rewards of a transformed marriage and a reconfirmed relationship. M. Gary Neuman’s program is guaranteed to challenge you and make you reexamine the myths holding you back from true happiness and satisfaction. It will change your marriage forever.
  couples therapy for infidelity: You Can Go Home Again Monica McGoldrick, 1997-06-03 In this revelatory book, esteemed family therapist Monica McGoldrick explores why families behave as they do, using genograms (family trees) to illustrate family patterns. Mapped out over a three-generation span, repeated estrangements, alliances, even divorces and suicides, prove more than coincidental. McGoldrick uses the genograms of famous families - including the Kennedys, Hepburns, Beethovens and Brontes - the discuss the influence of birth order and sibling rivalry, family myths and secrets, cultural differences, couple relationships and the pivotal role of loss. Relevant questions to ask appear at the end of each chapter, helping the reader become researcher, uncovering information previously withheld, misunderstood or overlooked.
  couples therapy for infidelity: Getting Past the Affair Douglas K. Snyder, Donald H. Baucom, Kristina Coop Gordon, 2007-01-06 This book has been replaced by Getting Past the Affair, Second Edition, ISBN 978-1-4625-4748-7.
  couples therapy for infidelity: Clinical Casebook of Couple Therapy Alan S. Gurman, 2012-11-26 An ideal supplemental text, this instructive casebook presents in-depth illustrations of treatment based on the most important couple therapy models. An array of leading clinicians offer a window onto how they work with clients grappling with mild and more serious clinical concerns, including conflicts surrounding intimacy, sex, power, and communication; parenting issues; and mental illness. Featuring couples of varying ages, cultural backgrounds, and sexual orientations, the cases shed light on both what works and what doesn't work when treating intimate partners. Each candid case presentation includes engaging comments and discussion questions from the editor. See also Clinical Handbook of Couple Therapy, Fourth Edition, also edited by Alan S. Gurman, which provides an authoritative overview of theory and practice.
  couples therapy for infidelity: The New Monogamy Tammy Nelson, 2013-01-02 Everyone has their own concept of what “monogamy” means—and most people assume their partners and spouses are on the same page. Couples may assume that they are monogamous, but never discuss exactly what the monogamy agreement means to them. What happens when this implicit agreement is broken? After infidelity, relationships can become strained as both partners lose trust and faith in each other. The New Monogamy offers a way out of these difficulties for couples struggling to stay together after infidelity. Couples make these implicit assumptions and agreements explicit so that each partner knows exactly what is expected of them in the future and what they can expect from their partner. Author Tammy Nelson helps couples regain trust, romance, and intimacy after infidelity by redefining the monogamy contract. The new monogamy contract is an explicit relationship agreement created after the affair that allows each partner to openly, honestly, and safely share their desires, expectations, and limitations. This agreement does not create an open marriage, but rather, an open conversation wherein each partner can have a say in setting the ground rules for their relationship. The book first helps couples rebuild trust after the affair, then engages in a series of Imago dialogues based on questions about what each partner really wants in the relationship, not what you think you should want or what a partner wants you to want. The New Monogamy includes questionnaires, checklists, and candid questions for partners to ask that help welcome complete honesty and trust back into the relationship. Then, the book helps couples make an erotic recovery from infidelity by addressing erotic problems that may surface and offers advice for helping couples return to desiring and trusting one another. After an affair, it’s impossible to go back to the way the relationship was before, but this book offers the chance for a new beginning.
  couples therapy for infidelity: Guardrails Participant's Guide Andy Stanley, 2013-04-24 In this six-session small group Bible study (DVD/digital video sold separately), Andy Stanley challenges us to stop flirting with disaster and establish personal guardrails. Guardrails. They're everywhere, but they don't really get much attention ... until somebody hits one. And then, more often than not, it is a lifesaver. Ever wonder what it would be like to have guardrails in other areas of your life-areas where culture baits you to the edge of disaster and then chastises you when you step across the line? Your friendships. Your finances. Your marriage. Maybe your greatest regret could have been avoided if you had established guardrails. In this six-session video-based small group bible study, Andy Stanley challenges us to stop flirting with disaster and establish some personal guardrails. Sessions include: Direct and Protect (20:00) Why Can’t We Be Friends? (18:30) Flee Baby Flee! (21:30) Me and the Mrs. (15:00) The Consumption Assumption (19:00) Once and for All (17:30) Designed for use with the Guardrails Video Study (sold separately).
  couples therapy for infidelity: How Can I Forgive You? Janis A. Spring, 2022-05-03 “If you are struggling with issues of betrayal—or the challenge of whether and how to forgive—here is the most helpful and surprising book you will ever find on the subject.”—Harriet Lerner, Ph.D., author of The Dance of Anger Everyone is struggling to forgive someone: an unfaithful partner, an alcoholic parent, an ungrateful child, a terrorist. This award-winning book provides a radical way for hurt parties to heal themselves—without forgiving, as well as a way for offenders to earn genuine forgiveness. Until now, we’ve been taught that forgiveness is good for us and that good people forgive. Dr. Janis Abrahms Spring, a gifted clinical psychologist and award-winning author of After the Affair, proposes a radical, life-affirming alternative that lets us overcome the corrosive effects of hate and get on with our lives—without forgiving. She also offers a powerful and unconventional model for earning genuine forgiveness—one that asks as much of the offender as it does of the hurt party. Beautifully written and filled with insight, practical advice, and poignant case studies, this bold and healing book offers step-by-step, concrete instructions that help us make peace with others and ourselves, while answering such crucial questions as these: How do I forgive someone who is unremorseful or dead? When is forgiveness cheap? Can I heal myself – without forgiving? How can the offender earn forgiveness? What makes for a good apology? How do we forgive ourselves for hurting another human being?
  couples therapy for infidelity: Helping Couples Overcome Infidelity Angela Skurtu, 2018-01-12 Helping Couples Overcome Infidelity provides clinicians with tangible, research-oriented intervention strategies that can guide couples through the aftermath of an affair. In the treatment of an affair, there are several key elements that couples need to work through as a team, including assessment, working through the crisis phase, rebuilding trust, acknowledging the pain infidelity causes, repairing relationship issues, creating a dynamic sex life, choosing to stay in or leave the relationship, and forgiveness. This book will cover nine milestones in detail and offer a framework for how clinicians can offer helpful treatment at each step. Also included are case studies of particularly challenging couples that the author has worked with and a section at the end of each chapter on therapist self-care.
  couples therapy for infidelity: Clinical Treatment Directions for Infidelity Nicolle Zapien, 2018-02-15 Clinical Treatment Directions for Infidelity considers the psychotherapeutic treatment of infidelity from a fresh perspective. Psychotherapy (both couples and individual) for infidelity is notoriously challenging, and clinicians tend to disagree on case conceptualizations and treatment objectives. This book approaches infidelity from a client-centered, phenomenological perspective, informed by qualitative research and social context. Essential for clinicians who work with cases of infidelity, it provides a framework and set of tools with which to approach these cases from a non-judgmental stance that helps clients glean meaning from these experiences and make conscious personal choices about how to move forward.
  couples therapy for infidelity: A Family Systems Guide to Infidelity Paul R. Peluso, 2018-06-19 A Family Systems Guide to Infidelity offers an explanatory model and concrete techniques, enabling therapists and counselors to treat the core of a couple’s relationship problems instead of merely applying a therapeutic bandage. Chapters give therapists proven techniques to help couples redevelop trust, rebalance power, increase satisfaction, and recover from the wounds that infidelity causes. This text uses case studies from clinical practice, examples of public or historical figures, and scenarios from popular movies to illustrate concepts, and it provides a systemic explanatory model for understanding infidelity, one that focuses on marital dissatisfaction, power imbalances, unfulfilled dreams, and the discovery of infidelity.
  couples therapy for infidelity: Wired for Love Stan Tatkin, 2024-06-01 Invaluable for so many partners looking to reconnect and grow closer together. —Gwyneth Paltrow, founder and CEO of goop Stan Tatkin can be entirely followed into the towering infernos of our most painful relationship challenges. —Alanis Morissette, artist, activist, and wholeness advocate The complete “insider’s guide” to understanding your partner’s brain, sparking lasting connection, and enjoying a romantic relationship built on love and trust—now with more than 170,000 copies sold. “What the heck is my partner thinking?” “Why do they always react like this?” “How can we get back that connection we had in the beginning?” If you’ve ever asked yourself these questions, you aren’t alone, and it doesn’t mean that your relationship is doomed. Every person is wired for love differently—with different habits, needs, and reactions to conflict. The good news is that most people’s minds work in predictable ways and respond well to security, attachment, and routines, making it possible to neurologically prime the brain for greater love and connection and fewer conflicts. This go-to guide will show you how. Drawn from neuroscience, attachment theory, and emotion regulation, this highly anticipated second edition of Wired for Love presents cutting-edge research on how and why love lasts, and offers ten guiding principles that can improve any relationship. This fully revised and updated edition also includes new guidance on how to manage disagreements, as well as new exercises to help you create a sense of safety and security, establish healthy conflict ground rules, and deal with the threat of the third—any outside source which threatens the harmony in your relationship, including in-laws, alcohol, children, and affairs. You’ll find proven-effective strategies to help you strengthen your relationship by: Creating and maintaining a safe “couple bubble” Using morning and evening routines to stay connected Learning how to see your partner’s point of view Meeting each other halfway in a fight Becoming the expert on what makes your partner feel loved By using simple gestures and words, you’ll learn to put out emotional fires and help your partner feel appreciated and loved. You’ll also discover how to move past a “warring brain” mentality and toward a more cooperative “loving brain.” Most importantly, you’ll gain a better understanding of the complex dynamics at work behind love and trust in intimate relationships. While there’s no doubt that love is an inexact science, if you understand how you and your partner are wired differently, you can overcome your differences, and create a lasting intimate connection.
  couples therapy for infidelity: Surviving an Affair Willard F. Jr. Harley, Jennifer Harley Chalmers, 1998-11 A practical guide to coping with infidelity, explaining how affairs begin, how to end them, and how to restore the marriage afterwards.
  couples therapy for infidelity: Betrayal Trauma Recovery Anne Blythe, 2019-05-05 A daily journal for women wondering if their husband's behavior is abusive. For women trying to determine if they should leave or stay. To help women decide if they want to divorce. A daily journal to help victims understand the reality and severity of their situation. For women who are considering separation or divorce due to their husband's lying, gaslighting, infidelity, emotional abuse, narcissistic behaviors. Visit btr.org for more information, and listen to the Betrayal Trauma Recovery podcast found on iTunes, Google Play, Spotify and other podcasting platforms.
  couples therapy for infidelity: Patterns Of Infidelity And Their Treatment Emily M. Brown, 2013-05-13 The new edition of this highly-regarded book includes comprehensive discussion of the nature of an affair and the five types of affairs and their underlying dynamics. The author addresses issues regarding revealing the affair, management of the consequences, rebuilding, and treating an unmarried third party, as well as the host of complex issues regarding children and custody arrangements. New material for the second edition includes cybersex and the effects of new technology on fidelity in marriage; the effects of managed care on treatment; marriage to the third party; and a new chapter on affairs and violence.
  couples therapy for infidelity: Exaholics Lisa Marie Bobby, 2016-02-10 Severing a cherished relationship is one of the most painful experiences in life—and cutting those emotional ties to a loved one can feel almost like ending an addiction. Up till now, people recovering from other problems were able to get real help—like AA and rehab—while those struggling in the aftermath of traumatic breaks dealt with platitudes and friends insisting they should get over it already. But now Exaholics Anonymous treats getting over an ex like kicking a chemical habit. Written by counselor and therapist Dr. Lisa Bobby, Exaholics offers meaningful support and advice to anyone trapped in the obsessive pain of a broken, or dying, attachment. She helps the brokenhearted heal, showing them, on a deep level, how to develop a conceptual framework for their experience, understand the emotional processes at work inside themselves, find the path to recovery, and free themselves of shame, injured ego, and remorse. In-depth case studies of others' journeys will illuminate the way to future happiness.
  couples therapy for infidelity: Infidelity Paul R. Peluso, Taylor J. Irvine, 2024 This second edition brings together an impressive array of experts to discuss and provide understanding to the treatment of infidelity. Bringing together voices from a range of disciplines and backgrounds, including couples therapy, family therapy, evolutionary psychology, relational research, and more, Peluso and Irvine help therapists understand and practically treat this common and complex issue. Divided into three parts, chapters begin by laying the foundations for understanding why couples commit infidelity before looking at different treatments, such as Gottman Method Couples Therapy, models of fidelity and forgiveness, and other integrative approaches. This new edition includes brand-new material on topics such as nonmonogamy, teletherapy, cyber-infidelity, and the impact of infidelity on couples and families from different social, cultural, generational, and sexual perspectives. With revised referrals and resources at the end of each chapter, additional infidelity treatment methods and examinations of gender, race, and power, this guide is essential reading for all practicing and training marriage and family therapists, counselors, psychotherapists, and social workers--
  couples therapy for infidelity: Lovelands Debra Campbell, 2017-03-01 Love is a wild and diverse land. Every soul needs a map. Nothing is more important to us than love, yet nothing is more painful than love gone wrong. During the course of our lives, we can develop dangerous faultlines and crevasses in our inner emotional landscapes due to past hurts, losses and disappointments. Lovelands is psychologist Dr Debra Campbell’s map for traversing the treacherous terrain of love and cultivating the wisdom and self-compassion for healthy love relationships. Drawing on her own knowledge and experiences of dysfunctional love relationships throughout her life and work, Dr Campbell shows you how to become aware of your personal Lovelands so you can locate and identify your faultlines, avoid repeating negative patterns and become empowered to make different choices. Whether you’re a parent to others, a lover to another, or working on the care of your own soul, Lovelands will help you make sense of love, from birth to death, and guide you in claiming the role of the hero of your own life and sovereign of your own Lovelands.
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